Dr. Strangepump, or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Pump

My first experience with pumping was in the hospital, when I was having trouble getting my baby to latch on. One of the nurses brought in a double electric pump and told me to use it. Later on that day she attached the flanges to me, adjusted the machine, turned it on and left. Since it was a double pump, I had to hold both bottles, so I lay in bed, open wound in my belly, raw nipples encased in plastic, holding two empty bottles, while a machine began to exert pressure on those nipples, pulling them a half inch into the plastic cylinders. After five minutes I was howling in pain. Yanking the flanges off, I pressed the nurse button and demanded narcotic pain drugs to deal with the lightning cramps of pain in my uterus and nipples. I didn't pump at the hospital again.

Last week I took out my home double electric pump, read the manual, and tentatively attached one flange to my sore right nipple. I turned the machine on and watched as it pumped. I kept the pressure to the minimum and was relieved to see that my nipples did not elasticize. But it hurt. So I stopped.

Last night my dear baby decided to skip one feeding, and then only snack at the other feeding times. By 7:00, I was engorged. Not a fun feeling, especially when your boobs tend to turn into fountains. I was sprinkling sticky milk all over the place! And worst of all, dear baby pursed her lips at my nipple and resolutely slept. So I went to the pump. I pulled on a tank top, cut two holes at nipple level so I wouldn't have to hold the bottles, and assembled myself to the pump. I used a little olive oil to lubricate the flanges, which were the size recommended by my lactation consultant. And lo and behold, I got 4 ounces in about 10 minutes! Minimal soreness and no uterine pain. I am a convert to pumping!