reverb 10, 12/13

Action When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

I know, but I don't know. In terms of my career, my next step is to polish my rough draft of my novel and start finding an agent. So that much I know. For the rest of my life, I'm at loose ends. Don't know where to look next. I've interviewed a life coach, and I'm considering working with her, but somehow I can't push myself to take the next step with that. Is that the right next step? I don't know.

reverb 10, 12/9

Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

Well, it has to be Beth N's Halloween party. First of all, we don't get to go to a lot of parties. And while we did attend two lovely weddings, we got to dress up as characters from my favorite show, Fringe, for the Halloween party. I love a good costume party!
The people were dressed up to all different degrees: we had a sports family (complete with pregnant cheerleader), pumpkin, monk, white trash, and lots of wigs. I myself wore a wig, to be Fauxlivia, while lucky Dale just had to wear normal clothes to be Peter. The food was good - hot dogs, and the drinks were fatal. Seriously, whoever mixed my first Rum & Coke really just handed me a drink filled with Rum and garnished with Coke. I stayed on the porch, which was a good thing for people's eardrums as I consumed my Rum & Coke. There were lots of kids there, and roasting of marshmallows, and people played games inside. It was a good party.
I have some thoughts as to what parties will rock my socks off in 2011. My mom is hosting a family reunion, which I suspect will include some great moments!

Reverb 10, 12/8

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

Oh, this is a difficult one. I feel like I'll be bragging if I answer this. But I'll give it a go!
What makes me different? Is this what makes me different or what makes me unique? Because most of the differences I can think of aren't unique-maybe it would be easier to focus on unique. So what makes me unique? My DNA? Yes, plus my life experiences. But what else is there? Is there such a thing as "soul DNA"? Because my soul is also unique.
What lights people up around me? I know some people like the fact that I use my full name: Elaine Frances Bayless. That's a difference - I chose to keep my middle name rather than my maiden name. People enjoy laughing at my mispronunciations. Occasionally I can tell a good joke.
OK, my discomfort level continues to rise, I'm bailing on this one!

Reverb 10, 12/7

December 7 – Community Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

While I spent much of this year deepening my relationships within existing communities, I did find two new communities this fall. One was in Nanowrimo, the National Novel Writing Month. Although I only went to one write-in, it was definitely a community of people participating. Online, on Twitter, in person, a diverse community focused on a single goal. It's something I plan to continue. I also was invited to join a small writing group. We've only met a few times, but that is a community I do plan to continue and connect with more deeply in 2011. It took me over a year, maybe two, to really find people to give me feedback on my writing, but now I do feel like I've been able to find those people to give me those invaluable critiques.

Reverb 10

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

The last thing I made. This requires some thought. I make quite a lot of things: I cook, I cross-stitch, I write. So what is the very last thing? Christmas cookies. I baked Christmas cookies, intending to decorate them. I didn't get around to it, and now my husband is gobbling them as fast as he can! Before that? I guess I would say the cat cross-stitch is the last thing I completed. I have two cross-stitch projects currently going, but neither complete. And of course, I have two books I'm working on, a novel and a memoir.
Materials: For my primary creation, writing, the materials I use are the computer and my mind. I find it interesting that many people, when writing, don't necessarily create so much as recount. They are recounting experiences and events in new settings, rather than creating completely new characters. Of course writers, especially myself, draw from our lives. But I think most fiction writers would argue that we are still creating new situations and lives. For example, in my novel, I am dealing with the future. It's set in Raleigh, NC, so some things I can't change (Southern Weather). Other things I can create wholesale (college fashions for women).
Time: I am pretty good about clearing time in my schedule to create. Next year will bring some new challenges in that area, but I am preparing as best as I can for them. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out.

Thanks to Reverb 10 for getting me thinking!

Response to Entrada!

How did I do in my predictions?
1. Alt-Broyles did way more than assist Olivia - he gave himself fully to her cause.
2. Fauxlivia did disappear at an opportune moment - I gave it a 20% chance.
3. Peter got in almost TWO hours of stomach-churning anguish, hurrah! And a little more at the hospital scene at the end.

Other thoughts about the episode. What will Fauxlivia and the Fringe division think of Alt-Broyles' disappearance? Surely Fauxlivia knows the truth, but what about the others? Will Fauxlivia change her mind about the other universe and try for peace? How will Walternate deal with Broyles' betrayal?

Does Fauxlivia really care for Peter? Nope. She may have sentimental feelings, given the keeping of the photos, but if she truly cared about him we would've seen it when she had the gun on him in her apartment.

Peter had yet another stupid moment, in Olivia's apartment, when Fauxlivia had the gun drawn on him. If he'd stopped to think just a bit, wouldn't he have realized that Fauxlivia was never going to kill him? He didn't have to just shoot himself up with the poison. That's my only criticism. Otherwise, I give this episode a standing ovation!

Next week promises to be just as good - I love how Olivia, freshly returned, will be working on a case about reanimation. What a great way to work multiple levels of the theme!

Olivia is coming!

This is the season of Advent. A time of waiting for the celebration of Jesus' birth. And, this week, a time of waiting for Agent Dunham to come home from the parallel universe!
I'm very excited about tomorrow night's episode. It looks thrilling! How will Olivia get back? My money's on alt-Broyles assisting her. Will Fauxlivia return, die, or go into hiding? I suspect she'll go into hiding, because of course, that's the most thrilling option. I can't imagine how she would return, but maybe they've already planned for that - so I call a 20% chance that she'll vanish at the most climatic moment. Will Olivia discover what a dorkhead Peter's been with respect to Fauxlivia? Probably not in this episode. However, Peter will discover his mistake and I bet that's going to make for a lot of stomach churning anguish. (hooray! Who doesn't love seeing Peter go through stomach-churning anguish?) Once Olivia does discover, I suspect that will lead to big romantic complications. My vote? That the 2 of them move immediately into a post-relationship friendship, sort of Jerry-Elaine style. My prediction? The writers will have the 2 of them back together within 2011, this season or next. In other thoughts: I'm betting that Nina and Walter will not be shocked at Fauxlivia's exposure - there's a chance that Nina has already taken precautionary measure (I can only hope).
And of course, there's other concerns. Once they realize that Fauxlivia was setting them up, will our Fringe team continue to research and assemble the Machine? Will Sam help Olivia re-assimilate? Are there more Cortexiphan children for continued trips to the other side? Is Sam Weiss also the old man at the typewriter shop?

Advent is here

It seems strange to say Advent is here, when Advent is all about anticipation and arrival. Advent isn't ever really here, is it? It's just always coming.
And yet, we are in the countdown to Christmas. Time to gift shop. Time to decorate. Time to make plans for 2011.
Here's my prediction for the end of the year: The next two weeks will go as slowly as cold molasses pouring out of a jar. The two weeks following will fly by in the blink of an eye.
I'm finally feeling well again!

Being sick sucks

I've had a sore throat for about 2 weeks now. But as of Thursday, it's migrated into a full blown congestion cold. My throat is so swollen I can hardly stand swallowing and I have no voice. Seriously, my own mother didn't recognize me on the phone. Either I sound like a man, or I make weird squeaky noises. Oh, and I'm developing that awful reflex cough.
So there's my whine. I know that I am still better off than some obscene percentage of the world (in the 90's somewhere, I'm sure). After all, my only complaint is physical illness. But you know, it's really hard to focus on your blessings when your throat is demanding your full attention. Reminds me of Paul, talking about the Body of Christ. How hard it is to use the Body as a whole when one part is hurting.

Now that I've whined and gone all theological, I'll shut up. And yes, Mom, I'm calling my doctor tomorrow... :)

Fasting from TV

Things get tough now for my TV fast. When I come home from group tonight, there will be TV on that I want to watch. Tomorrow, there will be TV that I want to catch up on. I need to hold to my resolution though.
A thought occurs: I probably should've set a deadline for my fast...

Meeting Expectations

I have a destructive story about myself, and I keep repeating it. There's lots of ways to describe it psychologically, but I'm a writer, so we'll go with a narrative. I'm narrating a story about me (think Stranger than Fiction), and in that story, I consistently fail to meet expectations. I am a failure.

I'm done with that story. And I'm done with striving to meet other people's expectations. As a Christian, there is only 1 thing that matters: that I meet God's expectations. Not in order to be saved, but in order to live a life that is full, a life that is restorative and loving and joy-filled.

So I'm seeking to discover God's concrete expectations for me. I know the big picture: love others, live justly, worship God. But what is the nitty gritty? How does that look in the daily routines of my life? As I seek the concrete expression of living a God-centered life, I will be fasting from all TV except for Fringe. That's potentially 15 hours a week that I just freed up. (Shocked? Yeah, I was too).

Keep me honest, y'all.

Season 3, Ep 4 Observations

This episode focuses on boundaries and relationships. In the beginning, Peter observes that everyone draws their our moral boundaries. Then we see Fauxlivia experience a moment of angst in the bathroom. Clearly she is torn by the thought of being unfaithful to her boyfriend in the Alt-universe. Her emotional loyalty supersedes her loyalty to the mission.

Newton attacks Fauxlivia later on, saying she's not fully committed. Does he know that Peter and Olivia are attracted to each other? In other words, is he pressuring Fauxlivia to have sex with Peter, or just to commit herself more fully? Or is there a third possibility: the idea that men can be swayed by sexual bonds, and so if Fauxlivia simply has sex with Peter, she will be more successful. Newton is clearly pushing Fauxlivia to take some sort of action, probably sexual - no doubt justifying the immorality of her actions as required by the war. (Although to be clear, I doubt Newton has morals or ethics, as a shapeshifter).

On the flip side, we meet 2 shapeshifters, Ray and Senator Van Horn, who chose to engage in sexual relationships and developed true emotional ties. Ray is so attached to his family that he refuses to leave them, trying instead to find a way to fulfill his mission and keep his family intact. This is in high contrast to Fauxlivia, who is destroying her own relationship in order to fulfill her mission. The irony is, of course, that Ray is a machine and Fauxlivia is a human.

In an especially tender moment, we hear Ray give an explanation for why he is trying to alter his mission - when he tucks his (step)son into bed. He explains that sometimes monsters are "sweet and pure." Obviously he's referring to his (step) son - a human he was taught to believe is pure evil but has learned is nothing of the sort. There were hints of Fauxlivia noticing this in episode 2 - as those from the other side continue to interact with us, they learn that the propaganda of Walternate is false.

The episode wraps up with Newton killing Ray because of his loyalty and then getting caught and thrown in jail. In the final scene we see Fauxlivia draw a new moral boundary, after more of Newton's goading, and invite Peter over for sex. It's a good way to bring the episode full circle - the one who chooses mercy and emotional loyalty dies and the one who chooses the mission is temporarily safe. However, I'm not convinced that Peter and Fauxlivia definitely had sex. They were on their way, but this is Fringe. What better way to twist the plot than to pick up at that scene and have Peter finally wake up and confront Fauxlivia?

Fringe Totally Looks Like

My husband, a Hell's Kitchen fan, observed last night that the Fringe character Newton looks alarmingly like Gordon Ramsay. After he said that, we both kept waiting for Newton to scream "It's RAW" at someone. Naturally, it didn't happen, although given that this is Fringe, it very well could have...
My husband (who really ought to be a TV critic or some such) also recommended a brilliant crossover between Fringe and Lie To Me. See, right now, the Olivia from the other side is impersonating our Olivia. And while, sadly, she is fooling everyone else, Dr. Lightman wouldn't buy it for a minute. When Fauxlivia heard that the ShapeShifter was alive, her face was frozen in fear. Dr. Lightman would've staggered over to her, bent down to look up at her, and said, "See that - right there. That's fear, that is. What 'ave you got to be afraid of, luv?"
A more in depth review of last night's excellent episode, Do Shape Shifters Dream of Electric Sheep, is on the way.

Being kind

I watched Ellen at some point this week and when she ended the show she said, "be kind to each other." And I know that's probably related to the Trevor project, etc., but you know, I think it's really great advice in general. It would be a great church benediction - be kind to one another. Kindness is highly underrated.
In my daily prayer book, the morning prayer ends with the statement: "we go in peace to love and serve the Lord, and to live our lives so that those to whom love is a stranger will find in us generous friends."
We need to be kind. I'm not just talking to Christians, but I do think that as a group, Christians (including myself) need to take this call very seriously and prioritize it. After all, kindness is fruit of the Holy Spirit - evidence that God is working to transform you.
In marriage, too, kindness goes a long way. We so easily forget to be polite and friendly to our spouses, but simple kindness, a thank-you, a smile, the word please (NOT spoken sarcastically) - these little things smooth life's daily speedbumps.
A lot of Christians like to point fingers and talk about sin. That's not kind. It's just not. It's also not proof that you're a Christian. Evidence of your faith comes from seeing the fruits of the Spirit, and as far as I know, Paul never mentions calling out someone else's faults as a fruit of the Spirit. Can we as Christians find a way to speak out against injustice and immorality with kindness? I think we can - we just aren't trying to.
So today, let's be kind. It'll be a challenge for me, I know. But it's worth it.

National Coming Out Day

Today is National Coming Out Day.
Let me be clear: I am not taking a stand on alternate sexuality with this blog post. Those who know me know what I believe and what I support. That is not the point of this blog post.
The point is, when we will find a way to move past having to "come out"? The very phrase designates LGBT people as different, people who are hidden and must reveal themselves. Several years ago, there was a lot of pressure on Rosie O'Donnell to come out. I felt that was unfair. Rosie O'Donnell is an entertainer. Her sexuality is her business. Just as no one pressures Oprah to declare her heterosexuality, no one should force Rosie or Ellen or anyone else to declare his/her sexuality. That's equality. When we make sexuality an issue, we are creating inequality.
I do not think a culture of secrets is healthy. People of alternate sexualities should have the right to be open about their preferences. So I can see how a Coming Out day is a step in the right direction. But it still supposes that LGBT is a separate group - people who are different fundamentally than heterosexuals. Language is very powerful. When will LGBT people cease to be seen as a minority group that have secret lives in some closet? How can we move towards that goal? What is the next step after National Coming Out Day?

One last thought. If you aren't planning to have sex with an individual, then why does her/his sexuality matter to you?

Bullying

http://www.examiner.com/tv-in-national/it-gets-better-video
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
http://www.religiondispatches.org/archive/sexandgender/3479/why_anti-gay_bullying_is_a_theological_issue/

There's been a lot of talk lately about how bullying is negatively impacting LGBT youth - 4 suicides in the last month. I've read the blog posts and seen the videos, and I have a point of my own to make. What is the relational way to deal with this issue?
Hugh Hollowell, someone I respect deeply, ministers to homeless people through building relationships. When he is asked how to handle an encounter with a homeless person, his response is to do the most relational thing you can think of. Don't just buy a meal, eat the meal with that person, etc. And I think that might be what's missing in all the uproar about bullying. What is the relational way to deal with this?

Bullying is not just a LGBT issue. The two boys who shot up Columbine High School were victims of bullying. Bullying affects all our kids, and we can't just lean on the government or the pulpit or nonprofits to resolve the issue. We need to take relational action - personal action. Bullies are not kids who are living happy, well-adjusted lives. They are in pain as well. I'm not a mom, but I always thought that if I were, and my kid were being bullied, I would work to build a relationship with the bully's parents. I would try to take action to help the bully, as well as protecting my kid.

So yes, let's pray for change. Let's teach our kids how to stand up to bullies. Let's encourage acceptance and tolerance of people who are different in any and all ways (wearing glasses, being smart, being LGBT, wearing out of style clothes, liking classical music, etc.). But let's not just focus on institutional change as our salvation. We need to be part of the solution, in a deeply personal way. We need to build relationships - figure out why kids become bullies and try to mentor those kids.

I may be completely off base - mothers, feel free to correct me. But I think the issue of bullying must be addressed personally and relationally. No amount of laws, preaching, or non-profits (no matter how helpful they may be) will stop the problem if we as individuals do not take personal action in prayer and relationship.

Fun Song Title Challenge

Using only song names from ONE BAND OR ARTIST, answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title.
My artist is Tori Amos

1. Are you male or female? Girl
2. Describe yourself: "The Beekeeper" and "Baker, Baker"
3. How do you feel about yourself? General Joy
4. Describe where you currently live: Dark Side of the Sun
5. If you could go anywhere, where would you go? "Maybe California," "Don't make me come to Vegas," and "Welcome to England."
6. Your favorite form of transportation: Bouncing Off Clouds
7. Your best friend is: God, Happy Phantom
8. Your favorite color is: Scarlet's Walk and Code Red
9. What's the weather like? Your Cloud
10. Favorite time of day: A Silent Night With You (The you being hubby Dale) or "In the Springtime of His Voodoo"
11. If your life were a TV show, what would it be called? Secret Spell
12. Describe your love life: Another Girl's Paradise and Little Earthquakes (haha)
13. What is life to you? Precious Things
14. What is the best advice you have to give? Police Me
15. If you could change your name, what would it be? Talula
16. Your favorite food is: Doughnut Song
17. Thought for the Day: You Can Bring Your Dog
18. How you would like to die: Putting the Damage On
19. Your soul's present condition: Fast Horse, Witness
20: Your motto: Pretty Good Year

Rome, Day One

blog secrets

There are times I don't post to this blog because I lack inspiration. There are other times when I have so much inspiration I could blog a book, but I can't because it's too private. The thing is, I'm just old school enough to remember that the Internet is forever. If I badmouth a person or a company, there can be consequences for YEARS.
I'm also married to a pretty private person. Although Dale is screamingly hilarious, he is reluctant to write blog posts (a loss to the world, I assure you). In addition, he prefers that I post nothing personal, which I respect.
All of which to say, I haven't posted recently. Maybe it's because I lack inspiration. Or maybe it's because I'm dealing with personal things. I'm just a woman of mystery...

The Hangover, Raleigh Style

We woke up in the parking lot of JR. A strange smell pervaded the car - cheese and garlic...
We got out of the car in a daze, looking at each other.
"Are you Beth Parent, world famous author of Onward Hoe?" I asked.
"Why yes, I am. Are you Elaine F. Bayless, world famous author of Birds, Bees, and Church Trailer Thieves?" she replied.
"Yes I am."
"Where are we?"
"We're at the ULTIMATE SHOPPING ZONE," I replied, gesturing at the sign.

"But how did we get here?" she asked.
"I don't know, but I think there are some photos on this camera," I replied, and we began to look through them.
At first, we saw only confusing photos of some strange hair styles.


But then we saw some more revealing photos.
"I think we were in Wilkesboro," said Beth. "I grew up there. Yes, this is definitely the Wilkes Co. Library."
"And is that, is that?"
"Yes, that is Zach Gali,,, gali,,, well, that's Zach the really funny guy from the Hangover."
"Oh my gosh! Look, you're making him laugh!"
"No kidding! I wonder what I said that was so funny?"
"Not sure, but it was good."
"So how did we get to Wilkes County?"
I shrugged. "That's not my car," I pointed to the vehicle we had awoken in.
"It's mine."
"Strange," I said. "And I think that smell... Yes, look, that's the pizza I had for lunch! It's all coming back to me now."
"But if we went all the way to Wilkes County and I don't remember that, what else happened?"
"I don't know," I replied, a chill to my heart. I caressed the beautiful emerald ring on the ring finger of my left hand. "And I don't know where this came from, but I'm keeping it."
Beth nodded in agreement, then looked up at JR. "Well, we might as well shop," she said, and I agreed.

Rebellion

I have been counting calories (only 1500 per day) since January. I've lost, oh, maybe 5 pounds, depending on the day and my water weight. I've been hungry a lot. For hours a day. I've been working out, doing cardio and hot yoga.
And today I woke up and just wasn't ready to do it anymore. So I poured a big bowl of cereal - no counting of the mini-wheats today. I didn't go on my morning bike ride, because my body was sore all over. This week, I'm just rebelling. I just ain't doing it this week, I'm not counting calories, I'm not trying to make good decisions about what to eat, not going to work out unless I want to, etc.
I'm sure this is a temporary rebellion. If not, oh well. I'm healthy, I'm at a healthy weight even if my body isn't cover girl perfect, and I'm just plain tired of being hungry all the time. Eat protein. Nope, still hungry. Eat vegetables and fruits. Nope, still hungry. Wanna know what quenches my hunger? carbs and sugar.
So i'm just going to let myself go this week, give myself a week off from all my disciplines. Tomorrow I'm planning to join a road trip to go see a comedian do children's story hour at a library. This is a week to relax.

Waiting on Godot

We are in a season of waiting. Poor Dale has been waiting to find out if he has a job since June. He finally interviews on Wednesday, and we're really hoping he finds out next week if he gets to keep his job. (I'm completely confident he will).
Waiting for this has definitely put a lot of waiting in some other areas. We want to do some work on the house, but can't really make decisions until we know about the job situation. We are considering some other big decisions and those also must wait. All of our travel for the rest of the year, including a potential mission trip to Guatemala for me, are waiting on this decision.

I hate waiting.

Psalm 46:10 says Be still and know that I am God. But the Robert Alter translation says Let go and know that I am God. I need to let go. God has it all under control, and the waiting is not just wasted time. There are things we must attend to. And hopefully, sooner rather than later, we'll be moving forward again.

Let the Buying Begin

At Amazon

At Booklocker

The sheer goodness of life

There are times when I feel broken down and beat up, sore-hearted for this world filled with pain, a world where God's will is not done and so many suffer. There are times when I just cannot believe how rude someone is, or times when I want to strangle every driver on the road. There are even (gasp) times when I come home from work and don't want to say a word to anyone.

But.

My life is amazing. Ever since our pilgrimage last month, I've been reminded constantly at how awesome the life I'm living is. I am working my dream job. I have time to pursue a second career in writing. I have a husband who is compatible with me, who adores me, who makes me laugh, and who comforts me when I cry, and calls me out on my B.S. I have three cats, two of whom are fantastic and the other, well, she can be amusing at times. I have a house. We have no debt. I am healthy. I get to eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it - I can choose to restrict my calories or binge. I have a relationship with God that sustains and fulfills me. I am literate and have basic human rights regardless of my gender. I have the right to vote. I have friends and family who love me and who I love. Life is good.

Happy Friday!

It's a good day, the start of what will hopefully be a good weekend. We've got 2 parties to attend, woohoo! This seems like work to poor Dale, but I'm looking forward to it. In addition, we have a photographer coming in to attempt a "family" photo - a picture of me, Dale, and the 3 cats. Yes, yes, I know it's all very unlikely to happen, but we can always hope for the best. And maybe slip a benadryl into the cat food Saturday morning...
I'm busily perfecting my first three novel chapters - an agent actually wants to read chapter 1! So I'm going to work on the first 3 chapters, so if she likes 1, I have some more polished material to send. I still need to wrestle with the entire work, all 200+ pages of it - get it all into the right timeline, the right verb tenses, and oh, a consistent narrative voice. Minor details.

Highlights of the monastic life

Dale and I spent last week at a monastery in Conyers, GA. It was very relaxing. Sure, we had to get up at 3:45 am for the first prayer of the day, but in between services we could sleep, read, do whatever. And no cooking! Just having one whole week off from the whole "what do you want for dinner tonight" discussion was worth every penny we paid. I highly recommend this, if you're looking for a week off and some spiritual contemplation. Not that we had to go to the services, but we did.
Some highlights:
The ducks at the lake are so aggressive that they nipped at my toes to see if they were food. They were disappointed.
I locked myself out of my room at 3:55 am, so I attended Vigils barefoot. No one noticed.
While the rooms were air conditioned, the abbey was not, so services were occasionally quite sweaty.
While sleeping in the meadow in front of the abbey, a bird pooped on my jacket.
Overheard: "I used to get poison ivy terribly, but then I ate some and ever since I haven't had it."
Discovering a wasp nest on Station 12 of the outdoor Stations of the Cross and getting away from the attacking wasp!
Being reminded that God's presence is constant; it's just a matter of paying attention.

You might be a pastor if:

10. You are incapable of giving a simple "yes" or "no" answer to a question about the Bible
9. You not only own several different Bible translations but you've read them all
8. Your job responsibilities range from unclogging toilets to praying on Sunday mornings.
7. You see great sermon illustrations in random movies and songs. (Bonus points if they involve Lady Gaga).
6. It's not uncommon for you to be booked every night in a week.
5. People think you know everything about everything and so constantly ask you questions.
4. In reality, you know about 75% of 75% of everything, but you often can't answer questions due to confidentiality.
3. Your spouse refers to you as his "full-time ministry."
2. You spend random Thursday nights driving relative strangers to shelters and other institutions.
1. You think that these institutions look like pretty cool places to volunteer, in all your "spare" time...

progress

One final proof-read and book cover revision and my book will be OUT! Very exciting stuff!!

Nerves

Tonight I read the first draft of my first chapter of my novel. And MAN, I was a nervous wreck! Every time I take a step to make this book a reality, it becomes scarier. The writing was well received, but I'm still jittery. One of the writers stated why I'm so nervous pretty succinctly. She noted that it's ballsy to write about abortion, since no matter what I say, half my audience will hate it. And that's true. People in my own church will find it difficult to support me and this book. But if I ever felt like God was telling me something specific - it is to write this particular book at this particular time. And maybe it won't get published - but I sure think God wants me to try to publish it.
Whew!

Ignorance

There are many things I know nothing about. I know nothing about raising children. i know nothing about owning an indoor dog. I know nothing about brain surgery. I know nothing about cooking Asian food. I am willing to admit my ignorance in these areas.
Recently, on my FB page we've been discussing a rude person who has left gigantic dog poop in our lawn twice in the last 6 months. And it's been left multiple days - so this wasn't a case of someone who just forgot a bag and then came back - it is someone who is deliberately leaving behind dog poop, in my yard.
I was speaking with a friend who dogsits, and he pointed out that one time, he had already used the bag and the dog pooped a second time. Now, he's a conscientious person, so he came back with a second bag and cleaned up that same day. But it got me wondering - how hard is it to reuse a bag that has dog poop in it? Opinions?

Who's telling us what to wear?

It seems to me that for centuries, men have been telling women what to wear. Now this includes gay men telling us both what to wear and what not to wear. Additionally, women have been telling ourselves what to weigh and how to look: weigh less, wear makeup. And what have men been primarily telling us about clothes? Don't wear our clothes. Don't wear comfortable, practical clothing that is tailored to your body without being too tight (ie, I wish I could buy a shirt tailored to my neck and arm sizes!).
I wish I could be like Diane Keaton or Ellen and rock the man clothing look. And maybe one day I will be confident enough to do so. Right now I'm too invested in the myth of being pretty and feminine. I like it. How much of that is cultural vs. my own personality, I don't know.

But you know what: let's stop letting other people tell us what to wear and what not to wear. Let's wear comfortable shoes and practical clothing. Let's weigh a healthy amount and not worry about gaining a few pounds for the winter. Real men, worthwhile men (at least all the ones I know), couldn't care less about sexy clothes. They see our beauty regardless.

Counting my blessings

A new version of 7 Quick Takes.
1. I get a full day off to devote to my writing EACH WEEK!
2. My "children" are cats with eating disorders. Compared to what mothers deal with, this is a ridiculously enormous blessing.
3. My husband supports & loves me 100%, respects me, makes me laugh, and isn't afraid to call me out on my BS.
4. My church family loves and supports me, even now that I'm an employee.
5. My job requires me to take at least 2 weeks of personal vacation to seek God.
6. I have close friends in several states, who love me even though I'm not great at staying in regular contact.
7. I live with a daily abundance of God's grace that I can never, ever, deplete.

A cry for help!

I need to provide 2 - 3 paragraphs about myself for the back of my book. But I am suddenly paralyzed with shyness. I think this is the most difficult writing assignment ever.
Any suggestions? Or if you have a paragraph to share about me, please put it in the comments.

Fringe, Over There, II

I'm writing my own analysis of Fringe, although there are many who do it better (naddycat), I thought I would post some of my own thoughts and theories.

When our team crosses over, they find a world that answers many questions and brings up many more.
Bell reveals that all communications are monitored, musing that that must be the explanation for the Central Park ambush. The question that arises, then, is about Nina's messages to Walter. If they are being intercepted, that explains why he doesn't answer. But how is he not under suspicion for receiving messages from the other universe? On the other hand, Bell made the shape shifters. Perhaps he hides Nina's messages with the messages from the shapeshifters. Which begs the question of why he doesn't answer Nina.

We learn that they use quarantine amber to contain wormholes that cannot be stabilized. Bus scene from The Ghost Network, anyone? It's clear that the ZFT terrorists were using Walter's hit book ZFT, which is published on the Other Side. The ZFT book is connected with David Robert Jones, who called Olivia a soldier and tried to recruit her for the war. So ZFT was likely written after the Cortexiphan trials. Which brings up two questions: did they invent and use Cortexiphan on the Other Side? And was the war coming prior to Peter's kidnapping? If not, then why were Bell and Walter preparing the kids with Cortexiphan?

We see that Walternate is very cold and professional, even with Peter. There is no emotional embrace, no softness. Is this Walter's personality, or is it because Walternate is planning to use Peter and therefore doesn't allow himself to get close to him?
Walternate tells Fauxlivia that the people from our side are "monsters" under their skins. This ties in nicely with what Bell and Walter used to be: monsters who experimented on children and adults without informed consent. Indeed, while Walter regrets his actions, Bell is unrepentant and proud of their work on the Cortexiphan kids. Is Walternate as ruthless as Bell? Or Nina Sharp?

A few minor points. After the first half of The Other Side, I predicted that Fauxlivia dyes her hair. I don't believe Olivia would waste time dying her hair blonde constantly. I'm taking Olivia's quick location of the correct shade of hair dye as confirmation that I was right!
Originally, the return plan was for Olivia to open a crack, which obviously wouldn't have been possible once Fauxlivia switched places with her. But when they started their machine, Bell said a crack was opening. So the machine opened the crack, not Fauxlivia. Is that a continuity mistake?

The Purell incident of 2008

Back in 2008, Dale and I had a little Purell incident at church. I believed I may have blogged about it. However, here's a refresher:
We were gathered in Knoxville for a big family Christmas and my 2 nephews were seriously ill. So Dale and I went out and bought Purell and Zicam as preventative measures. We were Purelling every 5 minutes.
At the Christmas Eve midnight service, we went up to the high altar of my parents' church to take communion. This was a very formal service. Think Duke chapel with professional musicians. Very beautiful. So there we are, kneeling at the rail, and Dale hears a "spurt" sound and looks over to see me Purelling. I pass the Purell to him, and he looks at me indignantly and pockets the Purell. He was deeply offended that I chose that particular moment to Purell.
The funny thing here is that I was deeply offended that he pocketed the Purell. Because it wasn't ours. It was sitting, open, on the railing when we got up there. I assumed it was the church's way of decreasing germs. So while Dale couldn't believe I Purelled before consuming the Lord's Supper, I couldn't believe Dale would steal Purell from a church!

Flash forward (not the show, that's been cancelled), to last weekend, when Dale and I were in Knoxville. We walk into my parents' church and the first thing we see is a large Purell container on a stand, right there in the front lobby. I guess you never know what kind of impact your actions will have...

All my Friends are Funnier than Me

Recently I was complaining because the Media is OBSESSED with Supreme Court nominee Kagan's religion. They keep talking about how if she gets in, the court will have NO Protestants.
First of all, people, this did not happen overnight. The majority of the current Court have been nominated in the last 30 years (Reagan administration). If you were really worried, then maybe someone should've spoken up in the 90's, or during Bush's 2 nominations.
Second, my friend Alvin has this to say:
How about we focus on the fact that there are no Zoroastrians, Wiccans, Taoists, Buddhists, Heaven’s Gate, Transgender, Post-Op Transexuals, Flying Purple People Eaters, or worst of all NO ASIANS. It’s unacceptable that in this day and age, that a collection of 9 people does not accurately reflect and represent the diversity of 309 million Americans. The only minority accurately represented are the gays since we know that Samuel Alito’s has a gay foot. Oh and Scalia has a Mormon nipple.

Seriously. Why are all my friends so much funnier than me?!!!

Noon already?

That means only 9 hours til Fringe!

putting together a book

I've been spending my day putting together my book - getting it all formatted correctly for the printers. Ran into an unexpected snag when I realized that I don't have 100 pages of text. I figured I would, but I'm about 30 pages short. And I'd like 100 pages... So I have 2 unfinished stories that I'm revising and considering. The beauty is, I'm also thinking of putting in an excerpt from my novel. That would be pretty cool...

Bayless weekend, 7 quick takes

1. Friday night we booked hotels for our trip to Italy this fall!
2. Saturday we did yard work, grocery shopping, and watched tv.
3. Dale made a French silk pie Saturday night.
4. Sunday we attended the hottest church service in the world.
5. We also got to hang out with our friend Kerry, who we fed rum and cheese and French silk pie to.
6. We both took Sunday pm naps, which I'm sure had no relation to the aforementioned rum & pie.
7. I tried a Sunday night ritual (decided that I need one).

Another conversation with Dale

Dale: Apparently Sharon Osborne is getting her breast implants removed and giving them to Ozzie.
me: Why is she removing them?
Dale: I don't know. Maybe they're hard to maintain.
me: What's to maintain? They're just bags of fluid - there's no maintenance.
Dale: Maybe Ozzie will use them as paperweights (laughing).
me: That's awesome. You know, if I get cancer and then get implants and then die before you, I want you to remove my implants and use them as paperweights on your desk at work.
Dale: that would be great!
me: Yeah, cause people would totally think they were stress balls and come up and start squeezing them and be all like, "what's this, a stress ball?" And then you would be like, "no, those were my wife's breasts," and they would all freak out.
both: laughing.
me: But you're making this up about Sharon Osborne, right?
Dale: No, for real, she's having them removed.

I have not tried to verify whether Sharon Osborne is having her implants removed...

Latest hypothetical conversation

Dale and I, while enjoying the hot tub Sunday night, had the following purely hypothetical conversation.
me: If we accidentally got pregnant with twins, wouldn't it be cool to name them the male and female versions of the same name? Like Michelle and Michael?
Dale: I don't know.
me: Or like John and Jean.
Dale: How about Luke and Leia?
me: no, ewww.
Dale: Hey, Luke is a Biblical name. And so is Leia.
me: No, Leia's not Biblical. But Leah is. Leia is a pretty name. But what about the same name, just different genders.
Dale: And Luke and Leia make us sound like Star Wars nerds.
me: No, what makes us sound like Star Wars nerds would be if we named them Annakin and Amidala.
Dale: Good point.
me: So what about the same name - you're missing my point.
Dale. I'm not missing it, I'm ignoring it.
me: But wouldn't it be funny? Like Robert and Roberta?
Dale: Or Charles and Charlene?
me: Or Gene and Jean?
Dale: yeah, that would be funny.
me: yeah, we could tell everyone at Evergreen that we named the kids that as revenge, because we know they all wanted us to have babies.
Dale: Yeah, they'd be like which gene do you have, Penis Gene or Vagina Jean?
me: laughing
Dale: And then we'd just call them Penis and Gina
me: laughing.
Dale: laughing.
me: But I like the Hebrew option of naming them with full sentences.
Dale: Yeah, that's always good.
me: Or we should name them after qualities, but not qualities that everyone uses like faith, hope, or joy.
Dale: Yeah. We should use Generous
me: And Stalwart
Dale: Yes, Generous Prosperity.
me: laughing
Dale: And Stalwart ...
me: Fortress!
Dale: Yeah, that wouldn't get them beat up at all.
me: No! Who would dare to beat up Stalwart Fortress! What an awesome name!

And that, my friends, is how Dale and I decided that if we had hypothetical boy & girl twins, we would name them Generous Prosperity and Stalwart Fortress...

Fringe tonight!

I'm looking forward to tonight's Fringe (duh). I suspect that the twitterati will again jump on any similarities to XFiles and I will happily rebut them tomorrow... After all, the shape-shifters are coming back, and while they do their thing with cool technology instead of by just being aliens, that is a similarity to XFiles. Hey, at least their blood doesn't come out in a toxic cloud!

Fringe and Xfiles are DIFFERENT

Last night I noticed several tweeters commenting that Fringe was just a rip off of the X Files episode Monday. This comment has been made many times before - because Fringe has covered many similar themes to X files episodes. I would like to point out, however, that both shows, while excellent sci-fi FBI shows, are really quite different in thematic content, explanations, and general story telling.
We'll start with White Tulip vs. Monday.
In White Tulip, we encounter a bad guy (Robocop, or as my husband likes to call him, Robert O. Kopp), who can time travel. The only drawback? Wherever he lands, he sucks up all the energy present, killing anything living around him as well as sucking all the energy out of phones, lights, batteries, etc. He appears on a train, killing several passengers, which brings the Fringe team in to investigate. It turns out that the bad guy, Dr. Peck, is on a mission. His fiance was killed 10 months earlier, and he plans to save her life. He even has a plan to avoid killing others - he will land in a field where there are no people present. The beginning of the episode plays off the time travel by having the train event happen twice. Then the story moves forward, as Walter confronts Dr. Peck and tries to convince him to abandon his plan, Dr. Peck goes ahead with his plan but with a twist, and Walter finds an unexpected miracle.

In Monday, we see Mulder wake up late because his water bed springs a leak which shorts out his alarm clock. He runs to work, but has to deposit his paycheck or else his rent check will bounce. When he gets to the bank, a robbery is in progress and Mulder is killed. Then the scene resets with Mulder waking up to a soggy bed. This chain of events happens over and over, with variations - sometimes Scully goes to the bank for him, sometimes he is accosted by a woman who tries to warn him. Finally the woman tells him that they are stuck in some kind of time warp - that she has tried to change the future a hundred times but it always ends with disaster at the bank robbery. In the end, the woman dies saving Mulder's life and ends the cycle.

Parallels: Events repeat themselves. The person aware of the time repeats ultimately dies.
Differences: in Monday, we have no idea why there is a time loop. In White Tulip, the time travel creates the repeated events and a scientist is doing it deliberately.
In Monday, Mulder and Scully try many different ways to resolve the problem and fail each time. Ultimately, the only person who can stop the event is the one who knows about it. In White Tulip, Walter tries to resolve the problem by sharing his own, similar experience, with Dr. Peck. It is most likely this conversation which changes Dr. Peck's intent and resolves the issue.
In Monday, there is no redemptive theme for any character. In White Tulip, Dr. Peck provides Walter with the one thing he is looking for: a symbol of forgiveness for what he did.
In Monday, almost the entire episode is dedicated to the repeated bank robbery. In White Tulip, only about the first 20 minutes shows repeated events - then the story moves forward.
In Monday, only 2 people (Pam & Mulder) believe that events are repeating. In White Tulip, the whole team is basically on board with Walter's idea about time travel.

Need I go on? Probably not, but I will. I'll be going back and comparing other Fringe and X Files episodes that people claim are the same. I will say this: X Files was on for 9 years. It was a great show that covered a lot of sci-fi ground. It's probably impossible to create a show like Fringe and not cover some of the same themes and ideas that X Files covered. BUT, there are still important differences. In X Files, the bad guys were the government, and the problems were mainly caused by aliens. In Fringe, the bad guys are big corporations and mad scientists, and the problems are mainly caused by experiments on non-consenting people. Big differences.

7 Quick Thursday Takes

1. All the broken equipment from last Sunday is now working again, praise God!
2. Only 7.5 hours until my favorite show, Fringe!
3. Pretty soon I'm heading over to New World where I'm gonna eat a cupcake for lunch.
4. I noticed in my hot yoga class this morning that my balance is actually improving!
5. Now that I Twitter, this quick take thing isn't quite as fun any more.
6. After a very windy spring, Dale and I have finally given in and are going to purchase TV again, because bunny ears are no match for wind.
7. But we're purchasing a $13 month package - the "broadcast" - so we're still saving good money!

Gardening

Today I spent gardening! I'm hoping to develop the greenness of my thumb. I had $180 to spend at the nursery and spent $178 of it, pretty good! Then I planted. And planted. And planted.
I planted 3 kinds of ground cover under my cedar and dogwood trees - hoping to find one that really works. I planted some impatiens and petunias in the front of my front bed, so I'll still have some color there after the daffodils are finished. I did a ton of weeding in the backyard - nasty unpleasant sticky plants! Then I planted a bleeding heart plant and a hosta in my back garden - I hope it's not too sunny for them. I love bleeding heart plants. Finally I planted some more vinca and mondo grass. Slowly but surely, I will eradicate the Japanese weed grass that loves to take over the back yard. Then to top things off, Dale and I planted a variegated pink dogwood in the back yard. I think it will be very happy there, in the full shade of our tented yard.

Good Friday Prayer Vigil

We had our annual Good Friday Prayer Vigil 2 days ago. It was really great, even if I did organize it and do half the work in setting it up. :) Just some of the conversations I had made all the work worth it - a friend and I slaved for 2 days straight to create a Stations of the Cross experience and I think it was really great. You can check out the album on my Facebook page. It was funny - I was a little disappointed in the turnout, but knowing how much people were touched by the experience makes me realize I would do it all again. It makes me think about all the effort God puts forth to save one person, to touch one person's life. Why should my ministry be any different?
Still, I'm very glad that I scheduled a pilgrimage for myself this week. I'll have time to rest and reflect in one of my favorite cities, DC, at peak cherry blossom time with warm weather! God is smiling on me.

Meditating on Moses, 3

Today at church we had a time where people shared their fears. It was a very emotional time of sharing. People were sharing their deepest fears - their deepest pains.
I have had my share of fear and pain, but I am not in that place right now. But I was reminded of what God told Moses when He first called him: God had heard the Israelites crying out. Today I heard my church crying out, and I was convicted that my refusal to move forward with my calling is rebellion.
I know that my books will not solve people's problems. But I know that they will bring hope to some who need it. And to continue to withhold that because writing is so much work or because I listen to the voices of criticism or for any reason is to shirk my calling. So I'm going to keep writing and stop wringing my hands. God gave Moses a tongue to speak, and God has given me a brain and hands to write.

Easter S'mores

So a friend of mine at church and I were talking about our love for Easter candy last year when we came up with a diabolical idea: Easter S'mores. It's simple, really. You replace a regular marshmallow with a Peep, and the chocolate with a Cadbury cream egg. Then you microwave. YUM.
It's that time of year, and so me and Randy will be making Easter S'mores this coming Sunday. I fully expect to gross everyone out with our twisted yet delicious snack, and I also am looking forward to the SUGAR HIGH!
I've googled this and as far as I can tell, it's an original idea. I'll be sure to post photos.

Meditating on Moses, 2

Exodus 3:13-14 "Then Moses said to God, 'Suppose I go to the People of Israel and I tell them, "The God of your fathers sent me to you'; and they ask me, "what is his name?" What do I tell them?'
God said to Moses, 'I-AM-WHO-I-AM. Tell the People of Israel, "I-AM sent me to you."'"

Obviously I can't tell an agent that God sent me. I mean, I could, but I doubt that's going to be very effective. What is the underlying fear here? I believe it is authority - what God has authority to send people? Which God of their fathers is Moses talking about? The one who led them into captivity in Egypt? What does this mean for me and my writing? All I can think is that it is a clarion call to my inner critic - the Fraud Muse as a friend calls it. When she rears her ugly head, I can hold mine high and tell her that I AM has sent me. Or in the words of the Blues Brothers: I'm on a mission from God.

Meditating on Moses

Exodus 3:9-12 Message: "'The Israelite cry for help has come to me, and I've seen for myself how cruelly they're being treated by the Egyptians. It's time for you to go back: I'm sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the People of Israel, out of Egypt.'
Moses answered God, 'But why me? What makes you think I could ever go to Pharaoh and lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?'
'I'll be with you,' God said."

I know God is with me. I spent a whole week last fall in the desert, experiencing God being with me. God and I just hung out, and God was with me constantly. It is reassuring to know that God is with me. It is still scary to think of taking action based on that. That's why I'm meditating on Moses this week. Moses had a passion to see his people set free, just like I have a passion to see people set free. Moses' passion exploded in the wrong time and caused him all kinds of trouble. I can't think of a specific example, but I know I've been looking for a murderous way to set people free and God has consistently denied me that (She even convinced me to be a pacifist!). And now I have a way - a path to bring people hope - my book. And I just feel like Moses - what makes God think I can do that? How dare I even say *I* can do that?

God is with me. Like a parachute. Now I just have to jump out of the plane.

ISO Big Hairy Audacious Goals

Our pastor today continued his excellent series on faith, which you can listen to here. Dale and I had a good discussion afterwards. Basically, Ed talked about how Jesus seemed to be getting frustrated with the disciples because after the feeding of the 5000, they were still worried about little details like whether they had brought enough bread with them. They just weren't getting it.
It's funny for me, because I spent a lot of time searching for a BHAG (thanks, Pastor Mark), and actually gave up. I decided that quietly influencing a few dozen people at my church would be well worth it. And then, with this series, I took on the faith goal of getting my book published, a BHAG if there ever was one! Now I'm scared, and I also know that if I succeed, it will CLEARLY be an act of God.
So after the sermon, we had a time of feedback. And Dale noticed that people didn't seem to be getting it. They all talked about their "bread." He wanted to say something, but couldn't think of a loving way to do so. He's still looking for his BHAG. But he understands that there's more to life than the details of our own small needs.
One thing I observed and Dale agrees with is that realism gets in the way of these things. We set realistic goals - calling a faith goal something that is really just an achievable goal. But Jesus wants us to set crazy, unrealistic goals. Goals that require faith; goals that, if achieved, would show God's glory and God's handiwork.

On the plus side

It was very interesting to read last night at writer's group. I only read the first half of my story, which is deliberately vague about a certain character. About a third of the people there were able to figure out that character's situation, which I like - it means I dropped enough hints but not too many.
However, there was something else. Several people picked up on a theme that I had not intended. However, knowing the parts I had already edited out, I knew that they were right - there is a second theme in the story which I hadn't discovered yet. It's really cool because their insights helped me see what was lurking beneath the surface of my story - and it makes the story that much more powerful. I'm definitely going to spend time exploring this aspect of the story.

What is going on?

So I did some preliminary research yesterday and all of it points to one very daunting fact: I must finish my book before I can find an agent for it.
I have 50,000 words thrown together, all from differing points of view, with internal inconsistencies, and an unwritten climax that I just can't figure out. I feel very far away from even a first draft of the book.
So did I mishear God? I thought God was telling me to look for an agent, not finish the book. Was God telling me to finish the book, but in a roundabout way? Add all this to my Moses complex (Nah, God, really, you don't want to speak through me), and you've got one confused author.
But it's not all bad news: I attended writing group last night and got great feedback on my latest story. It's encouraging to know that at least 1 small group of strangers find my writing compelling.

The Boob Squish

Yes, today I had my first mammogram. I was as scared as a wet cat surrounded by possums. My boobs started hurting pretty much the minute I got up.
Fortunately, I was well prepared. I took 10 mg of Valium (approved by my doctor) and had a friend drive me to my appointment. Not only did she drive me, she came in the room with me and held my back so in case I got light headed I wouldn't fall down. And then after the appointment we went immediately to Ben and Jerry's and I had chocolate ice cream.
As for the procedure itself: NOT BAD! I mean it. It was hardly even uncomfortable. Now, this is coming from a woman who willingly contorts into yoga poses in a 100 degree room, but I can tell you - I'd rather have another mammogram than do 30 minutes on the elliptical, at least in terms of comfort.
I'm 35 years old, and I had this mammogram because my cousin did a baseline at 35 and discovered cancer. I don't care what the new guidelines say - every woman needs to have a baseline mammogram, because now, when I go in again at age 40 or so, they will have something to compare to. Of all the procedures women have to have, I will tell you, this one is probably the least disagreeable.
So take care of yourself and your boobies!

Perspective

Last week was a rough week for me. I got strep throat, had my period, and faced my fears by committing to look for an agent to publish my WIP. And during all this I was changing my anxiety medication, which resulted in some emotional upheaval to boot. (don't worry, I am working closely with my doctor).
And then, today, I read this. And I think about how blessed I am - that I can call a doctor and play with my medications, that I can get in to see a doctor immediately and get antibiotics, that there are never gunshots in my neighborhood (although there are gunshots in other Raleigh neighborhoods).
Kerry Smith is taking God-sized leaps of faith and I'm whining about how scary it is to find an agent.

Talking with God

Yesterday our pastor gave a sermon on faith and taking risks for faith. At one point in the sermon, I wrote down in my journal my questions: why don't I feel like I'm taking a risk with my writing? Why isn't it scary? Well, then, at the end, he suggested we all write down a seed of faith we would plant this week. I quickly thought up one, a rather personal one which had nothing to do with my writing. And then the pastor continued, saying that we would turn in our seeds of faith and the prayer group would be praying over them this week. So I immediately decided to change mine. And that's when God snuck into my brain.
Get an agent to publish your book was the thought that snuck in. Now, let me tell you, my other idea was not NEARLY this terrifying. I fought back. No way, the book isn't ready to be published. Get an agent to publish your book. But I'm not ready to write a book. Get an agent to publish your book - once you have a contract you'll have time to finish writing it. No, I'm not ready. I felt like Moses talking to the burning bush, and I knew it. So I grudgingly wrote down this seed of faith and dutifully turned it in.
(A side note: our church isn't entirely creepy - I clarified after service that our prayer group won't actually be reading the seeds of faith, just praying over them).
So now I'm committed, and all of a sudden my writing is TERRIFYING. Not the search for the agent, but the possibility that someone might accept - that someone might actually decide, hey, that's a good idea and I want to publish your book. Maybe this is ridiculously optimistic, but on the other hand, it is also committing myself to an action that, if successful, will truly show God's power at work.
Let me tell you people - talking to God is risky business...

Great Lyrics

In this day and age, when a hit song can seriously contain the lyrics "rah rah ah ah ah ah, roma roma mama, gaga, ooh la la," Dale and I feel that it's time to remind people that there used to be songwriters of high quality. U2 is a stellar example of songwriters who create moving quality lyrics. Their lyrics are not only mysterious, they are socially conscious and semi-Christian. And they are also perfect for those who are heartbroken or happily in love.
To showcase U2's quality lyrics, Dale and I have created a short audio montage, with appropriate images. If you can successfully identify all 21 U2 songs, using ONLY the movie, then you are a true U2 fan and we will buy you a copy of the latest U2 album. Put your answers in the comments section!
Deadline: Friday March 12. Be prepared to explain how you identified each song - remember, no Internet searching or album liner note checking - just watch the video. :)

7 quick takes

1. I did hot yoga again this morning. While on one leg, I thought, I have lousy balance. Then I decided that from here on out I will instead think: I have improving balance. Which is also true.
2. Strangely, getting up at 5:30 am does not leave me feeling completely worn out all day.
3. Facebook ads aren't working currently, which is frustrating.
4. I spent an hour this morning sitting in the sunlight, drinking hot tea, petting Shadow, and praying. The perfect way to continue the day after 45 minutes of hot yoga.
5. I'm about to go talk to a local business to see if we can help each other out.
6. I miss Fringe, but tonight I'll head into Durham for a theological discussion.
7. I have a feeling that while I'll enjoy the discussion, I'll still miss Fringe...

Hot Yoga

I'm laying on my back in a dimly lit warm room. There is a yellow fabric tube billowing slightly above my head, pushing steam in, I assume. I focus on my breathing - the heat makes my lungs contract but focusing relaxes them. People slowly file in, quietly rolling out their mats and joining me on the floor. Soon I realize that I am the only one with my head towards the far wall. I move my mat back and align myself with the others. The instructor comes in and we begin.
It starts with deep breathing, moving our arms. As my fingers reach toward the ceiling they feel the hotter air. My feet are still cold, but that doesn't last long. We move into poses and do leg lifts, lunges, crunches, and rotations. When we balance on one leg the room is filled with elegant flamingos while I flounder back and forth, my lifted leg constantly crashing to the floor.
When we finish the instructor whispers "Namaste" and I lay on my back, head towards the ceiling, breathing deeply. My legs are trembling and my abs ache. I sit up slowly and drink my water, sitting up as straight as I can as I gulp down the water. Eventually I get up and leave the room, the last one out. I think I'm going to enjoy hot yoga.

March 1

I've figured out that March is my February. Everyone always complains about February - how it's depressing and feels like never ending winter. I like February because it has Valentine's Day and my birthday, and really, what's not to like about 2 gift opportunities in one week? But March, that is a different matter. In my mind, March should be the beginning of spring. By March, I should be shedding my sweaters and multiple layers and furry boots and wearing loose, brightly colored clothes. By March, my toes should be seeing the sun and I should be able to work in the garden and get sweaty. But March, alas, is usually a continuation of winter - cold, rain, wind. I don't like March.

Bizarre Stories

So I've had a cab driver hit on me, a one-armed woman approach me while I was driving (getting out of her own car to do so and then going back before saying a word), a Seinfeld moment involving Purell and Communion, a fire alarm during a movie, a rattle in my car that no one but Dale and I can hear, a strange man follow me home because "you are so beautiful", a burglar alarm caused by nothing, seizures that aren't really seizures, and my car move on its own more than 1 mile while I was passed out having a non-seizure.
What bizarre things have happened in your life?

Writing Day

Dale and I bought some of those fire logs, primarily to start fires with. However, today I'm quite happy to be able to light a merry fire with minimal effort. Here I sit, sunlight coming through the clouds into the skylights onto my lap, fat Pipsqueak laying on my hip, writing fiction and drinking tea. Life is good.

Interesting thought

I did today's daily bible reading (you can get it by following ECChurch on Twitter). It was: Mark 1:23-45. And what struck me about it is the fact that even Jesus' plans got screwed up by other people. And Jesus just adapted. He healed a leper and told him to be cool about it, keep quiet, but the leper told the world (and indeed, it is hard to keep quiet when God blesses us in superlative ways), and thus Jesus had to keep to "out of the way" places. How frustrating that must've been for Jesus! Just starting out in His ministry, and boom, He has to avoid the very places where He could reach the most people! Yet Jesus doesn't look for the leper and punish Him - He just adjusts His plans.

Writing my dreams

My dreams have gotten more vivid as of late. Perhaps it's because I'm sleeping better, who knows. But I've started writing them down as stories. What genre is this? I don't know. Are they any good? Well, they are certainly creative. I wish I could control this - dream what's happening next in the stories I'm really struggling with, but at least my unconscious is giving me something.

Valentine's Day - Happy or Heinous?

Maybe it's just because I'm happily married and out of the shark-infested dating waters, but I like Valentine's Day. Of course, I always have. Even when single, I usually had some other single friends to hang out with. And what's wrong with a holiday that involves red roses and hearts? I like those things. I like chocolate too, and I'm not afraid to buy my own.
In fact, I gotta say, I think our current celebration of Valentine's Day beats the heck out of its pagan origins. According to Michael Judge, the original pagan holiday was known as the Lupercal. Highlights included killing a dog, sprinkling its blood on people, whipping people with thongs made out of its skin, and running around naked in the streets having sex.
So yeah, I think Valentine's Day today is not so bad. Even if you're single, celebrate the relationships you do have! Where is it written that you can't send cards and flowers to friends. Just don't imitate Andy from The Office when you send your cards...

No Fringe Tonight.

There is, sadly, no Fringe episode on tonight. I will have to wait until April. It corresponds nicely to the season of Lent, as if God said, here, Elaine, why don't you fast from the awesome TV show Fringe? Hmmm, conspiracy theorists, maybe I have something here!
Fortunately, I have a very full life and can think of many other awesome activities to do tonight.
1. Go to a jewelry store to get my watch battery replaced and my engagement ring cleaned.
2. Go to the Apple store and drool over new computers.
3. Sit at home and fling my flying monkey towards the cats.
4. Drive out to Durham to sit in a pub and discuss theology.
5. Avoid working on my current cross-stitch project.
6. Avoid doing creative writing
7. Start making chocolate croissants for Sunday

7 More quick takes

1. The applesauce muffins were surprisingly bland.
2. I subscribed to the Writer's Market and I LOVE it so far - made submission of my story SUPER easy and it tracks everything for me.
3. Runny and sneezy nose - perhaps it will flush out the nostril zit?
4. The wind today is making the building especially noisy. Crazy strong winds!
5. Too exciting things happening this week at work: final re-keying of locks and exchange of vending machine for one that WORKS!
6. Have a staff meeting tonight which I'm looking forward to. Either I'm crazy or I really love my job.
7. I'm hosting prayer group tomorrow at my house. Historically, this means that no one will come. Hopefully this week will break tradition.

7 quick takes

1. I now have yellow AND white crocuses blooming! Also some lily of the valley in the backyard.
2. I'm going to make applesauce muffins today.
3. My reward for submitting a story for publication will be to get my free Godiva truffle and eat it.
4. I'm going to time myself and see how much time I actually spend writing today.
5. I've got a bowl full of veggies to keep my strength up while I write - healthy snacking!
6. Tonight we have a new installment of Lost, woohoo!
7. I also have 2 new flower catalogs to look at some time today - I LOVE flower catalogs!

Fringe Winter Finale

Less questions than Lost, but just as mind-blowing.
The premise of the episode is that the bad guys are starting to play with smashing parallel universes, and in particular, the universe as a whole likes to be in balance. So, the bad guys transfer a NYC building, complete with occupants, into our reality. As a horrifying result, many people get glued together because they were occupying the same space in alternate realities. Not quite like what Nina Sharp demonstrated with the smashing snow globes. The worst part of this, according to Walter, is that now the universe is out of balance, and so within 35 hours (where did that # come from?), a building of equal mass in NYC will be transported back to the alternate world. We just don't know which one.
What are the implications for Peter? When Walter kidnapped Peter from the alternate reality, did some other kid get whooshed back as a result? My personal theory on this is that there was different technology in action. I believe that Walter used an earlier technology to get to Alt-Peter - the window that opens up where the 2 realities are close. This is the technology used by David Robert Jones, the technology that Peter and Walter had to close with the little ray-gun thing. This technology doesn't require equal mass transfers. The technology in this episode is not opening a window and moving things through it: it's actually moving things directly from one reality to the other. My alternate theory is that perhaps Walter did a body snatch and left dead-Peter in alt-Peter's bed, but I really don't like that idea.
On to the character development of this episode, which was excellent. Olivia agrees to be a human subject again for the noble cause of discerning which NYC building is about to pop away. She's always subjecting herself to ridiculous risks for the greater good - perhaps because of indoctrination by Bishop & Bell during the drug trials? But this time she gets angry. Confronted with her scared 3 year old self, she becomes infuriated at Bishop. We saw this fury directed at Bell last season, and to a lesser extent, to Bishop. But now it's all over. She is simmering and steaming and Walter finally realizes that this won't help - she has to be scared in able to use her power. But Olivia is never scared - yet another scarring from the early experiments. It's not until she's actually in NYC, facing the prospect of imminent failure and the loss of innocent lives, and the curiously inviting lips of Peter, that she gets scared. Voila, she is able to see the glimmering building and save the day.
But what was she scared of? I think she was scared of love. I have been opposed to a Peter-Olivia romance until this episode. But when they leaned towards each other and Peter moved in for the kiss, I was converted. Let it rock! However, I think the possibility of another romance is what really activated her fear - her fear of miseading the man again, her fear of being in another work relationship, her fear of getting close to anyone (she told John that she's "not good" at romance). Now, Dale disagrees: he thinks she was scared of failure. Maybe so, but I still think that the physical proximity of Peter and the kiss she suddenly realized was coming kicked that fear into high gear.
What do you think?

House!

School was cancelled today (and tomorrow), so we aren't having our high school youth night tonight. Which means, yes, I get to watch House, on its airdate, for the second week in a row!! This ALMOST makes up for the fact that I will be skipping the Lost premiere tomorrow night. Skipping it, you say? Skipping the first episode of the final season of Lost? Are you kidding? No. Priorities, my friends, priorities. My writing group meets on Tuesdays, so I will be in Borders critiquing writing rather than watching the premiere of the month. So please don't spoil anything for me! I'll be watching Lost the INSTANT they get it online. :)

Living in a tent? Cave?

Our skylights were immediately covered in snow, which is normal. However, due to the layer of sleet and ice that followed, the snow didn't melt off like it usually does. So we're sitting in our living room, remembering the dark depressing days before we installed the skylights! The light of the fire is one of our primary sources of light. It's a cozy feeling.

Fringe Review

So another good episode last night. Less of Walter's wacky humor than usual, but that's to be expected because for once Walter was in Peter's role: recognizing that his father's work was resulting in horrible crimes.
The episode begins with a wedding gone horribly awry when most of the groom's family dies - all of the descendants of Gramma, in fact, who was a Holocaust survivor. Given that and the German looking man who Gramma yelled at right before she died, it seemed obvious to the audience that this was a Nazi-related ethnic cleansing type of plot. Then the killer strikes again in a coffee shop, but this time, he only kills brown-eyed people. Only after Walter revealed his father's former association with the Nazi's did the team realize this was a Nazi related plot, which some fans complained about. However, I don't think it was that obvious - they didn't clearly see the villain at the wedding, and the second killing muddied the waters somewhat.
Significant moments: when they finally find the villain's lair, Walter almost dies because the man has mixed up a Walter-specific poison - one which does not affect Peter. This could mean 1 of 2 things: the poison was specific enough to ONLY hit Walter or Peter wasn't affected because he's from the alternate world and thus isn't directly related to our Walter.
Second significant moment: Walter takes matters into his own hands and kills the Nazi villain, who we later find out is an unaged assistant to his father. This is a clearly unethical act, and Walter's seeming justification - that he would do anything for family - is a bit off, given that Peter was never harmed. Added in to a previous episode this season when Walter kidnapped an FBI agent and performed human testing on him - with Astrid's help!! - and we see that although Walter is repentant and wants to make amends, he is not fully reformed. Walter still believes that the ends justify the means, just as Bell does.

Borrowing Accents

Some people can't help borrowing accents. You know what I mean - the American who suddenly sounds slightly British when walking around London, the person who gains an accent when talking with an exchange student. I find that I do this with writing. There are certain writers, only 3 that I've noticed, who tend to worm their voices into my brain. I start thinking like them, talking like them, and worst of all, writing like them. I don't like this because I need to find my own voice. So today, given that I've just finished a novel by one of these writers, I will keep my writing efforts to revision rather than creation, knowing that any new material will end up being written in a weak imitation of his voice.
Here are some examples:
1. Going to personal training is like going to hell with a very nice person, a person you would be friends with if she didn't so obviously think that pushups with one arm is a good idea.
2. Her husband awoke her as usual, at the 5:00 hour when her body normally roused itself, looking about for disturbances and normally going back to sleep. However, his acrobatics were more prolonged than usual - he was a man for whom a simple 90 degree turn was insufficient - each change in position necessitated at least 180 degrees of rotation and some degree of levitation from the bed. In order to halt the volcano, she spoke, asking how she could help. It was the cat causing the problem, an inordinately heavy puddle of sleeping fur that was preventing the acrobatics from achieving their end goal. Scooping up the fur, she re-deposited the cat goo next to her own thigh and the bed was finally still. But while her husband went immediately to sleep, she lay awake, eyes and consciousness linked to the drowsy body which had found the disturbance it was looking for.
3. As she shoveled the slowly rotting grass out over the bare tree roots, she felt a deep pull from within. The rich smell of decay reminded her of her own body's smells, the rich smell of menstruation, the threatening shedding of fertility deemed unclean and fearful by society for centuries past.

All my own writing, but all in imitative voices. For fun, see if you can pick which author goes with which example: Margaret Atwood, Jonathan Safran Foer, Anne Lamott.

We're going to Italy!

Booked the tickets yesterday! I'm very excited! I'm seriously going to only take about 3 days worth of clothes and buy all the rest as I go. :) :) :) lucky for Dale I'm already saving up clothing money. Now we just have to figure out how to see the entire country in just 2 weeks.

lazy weekend

It has been a very lazy weekend in the Bayless household. Yesterday Dale built a fire and we watched basketball. I must confess I fell asleep. Dale actually did some work, but I was a completely non productive couch potato. Today is not much more productive. Thus far we have made Belgian waffles (YUM), Dale has read and I have taken a nap, and now Dale is playing video games while I ponder flights to Italy in September (YAY).
Since we have no real news, I'll stick to 7 quick takes:
1. The eczema on my thumb has returned with a vengeange. I'll start steroid cream today.
2. Last night we watched the Princess Bride, which never gets old!
3. I'm in the mood to bake bread, but probably will end up taking another nap.
4. Pipsqueak and Duchess eagerly filled in my spot on the couch when I got up - Pip is snuggled in the crevice between cushions and Duchess is all snuggled into the nest of blankets.
5. My next book is "Everything is Illuminated" by Foer. I'm looking forward to it, but I don't think I have the energy to start it today!
6. My friend gave me a flying screaming monkey recently. The cats hate it. The other night I was running in my sleep (nightmare) and I accidently kicked it out of bed, which made it scream and woke me up. Maybe the cats have a point...
7. Fringe had a flying screaming woman in the excellent show Thursday night. Connection? I think so.
BONUS: An iphone app, Flixster, just emailed me a picture of myself, one taken many years ago which I have never posted online. I find this EXTREMELY creepy.

Upcoming Fringe!

Tomorrow night is another night of Fringe! Looks to deal with some sort of horrible contagion, possibly spread by the ZFT terrorists? If not, then definitely created by some unethical scientist doing human experiments. Peter is infected and apparently under quarantine. So the question becomes: will they risk everyone's lives by setting Peter free? Will they allow Peter to die (oh, definitely not). Will Walter find the cure before or after the decision is made whether to set Peter free? Or even more unnerving, will setting Peter free show the infection to be psychosomatic and therefore not a threat? I cannot wait to see what lies in store, what Walter will call Astrid, and whether Walter will fixate on a food or just make inappropriate comments...

xfiles vs fringe (spoiler alert)

Many Tweeters noted last night that Fringe seemed to be a rehash of X-Files episode Home. Several went on to make disparaging comparisons between Xfiles and Fringe. However, I would say they missed the point.
Sure, there was a similarity between Johari Window and Home, in that both dealt with hideously deformed people. But that is where the similarity ends.
In Home, the people were deformed due to generations of inbreeding, chosen by the family themselves. They were violent by choice and driven by their own choices into the horror of their lives. In Johari Window, the people were deformed due to secret government/military experiments, which affected all the living creatures within the town - victims of the choices of others rather than of their own choices, and not universally violent, especially as shown in the end when one victim chose truth over concealment (although she did use violence to achieve that end).
This gets to one of the primary differences between XFiles and Fringe. In XFiles, the monsters and the mythology were driven by the existence and intervention of aliens - monsters were weird hybrids or results of alien experimentation, and the government conspiracy related primarily to the existence of aliens and their coming invasion. People were made who they were by their choices, or driven by their biology. In Fringe, the monsters and mythology are driven by unethical experimentation on willing and unwilling subjects, which Walter himself participated in. The people are driven by the results of other people's choices for them - they are victims. Further, the conspiracy is not, so far, well connected between evil individuals (David Robert Jones), massive corporations (Massive Dynamic), and the government/military (Russian cosmonauts, Johari Window).
In the X Files, a big focus was on the truth: what is it and how do we find it and prove it. In Fringe, the big focus is on the coming inter-dimensional war, and what is ethical in the face of that. William Bell still clearly believes that human experimentation is justified by this war, while Walter is learning that it is not, and is trying to make atonement. Yet Walter has still not dealt with one of his most heinous crimes, one which may be responsible for the coming war: the kidnapping of his own alternate son.
So yeah, Fringe borrows themes and ideas from X-Files, but they are examined and developed very very differently.

Sure, we're a Christian nation

I remember on September 12, 2001, I was reading an advice column. The columnist was so infuriated over the events of the day before that most of the column was his venting. But he did answer 1 letter. The poster had sent him an email during the attacks - while one of the towers was actually falling. The columnist sputtered on and on, venting all sorts of disgust at this human who was more concerned about his sex life than with the death of thousands of innocent Americans.
Today I was listening to K-Love (Christian radio) and they were talking about yesterday's horrific earthquake in Haiti. They talked about the poverty there, about how there are many missionaries there, etc. I switched stations to classic rock and was instantly hit with an advertisement for some woman's burlesque show. And that, right there, is the kind of Christian nation we are. We are completely capable of focusing on our own enjoyment even while our own countrymen are dying, much less when people outside our country are suffering.
I'm not saying we have to go around wringing our hands all the time (which we surely would if we were attuned to all the daily suffering in the world). But we could all benefit from some occasional hand-wringing, a little less focus on self and a little more focus on those around us.

Why is healthy eating so unfulfilling?

And I do mean unfulFILLing. I had a salad for lunch. It was quite a large salad - probably 1.5 to 2 cups of spring mix lettuce alone. It had chicken, almonds, and edamame, along with mandarin oranges and a ginger soy dressing. Good solid protein there. Yet I am starving, very very hungry. Worst part: I was hungry less than an hour after eating the salad.
On the plus side, I went to Teavana (lunch at the mall) and got myself 2 caffeine free teas to enjoy. I'm gonna go enjoy one of them with a serving of peanut butter M&M's (270 calories and very filling).

The Force of a Sleeping Cat

A common formula for force is mass X acceleration. Given this equation of a sleeping cat, like Duchess, is 9 pounds X 0 = 0. However, there must be a special formula for sleeping cats. Because last night, my 9 pound cat pushed me to the edge of my bed, while doing nothing but sleeping. Given that she pushed 150 pounds of weight, her force must have been at least, what, 150 pounds? (I bet my Dad could calculate this exactly).
I propose changing the acceleration variable. It simply cannot be zero. I propose that when a cat falls asleep, their acceleration changes from 0 to 10x their weight. This results in the equation, for Duchess, of 9 pounds X 90 = 810. That surely explains her ability to shift my dead weight several inches.
Science experts, care to explain further?

7 quick takes

1. Baby, it's cold outside, but the sunlight streaming through these windows is keeping me nice and toasty!
2. Tonight Dale and I get to meet some new people - a young couple that just moved here. I'm pretty excited about the prospect of widening our social circle.
3. I'm short on hours this week, but that doesn't matter because I'll pretty much be working all day tomorrow.
4. Dale surprised me by saving up all his "mad money" in order to buy a flat screen TV. Sneaky guy! Can't say I'm upset about the decision though - a larger higher quality TV will make reading basketball scores much easier.
5. Dale also sweetened the deal by buying a waffle iron. If you are my brother, sister-in-law, or parents, you will know how much Dale and I love WAFFFFFLES!
6. I was saving my mad money to buy a pair of kick-ass Doc Marten boots. When I tried on said boots, yesterday, they were unbearably uncomfortable.
7. Any suggestions on a great treat (preferably shoe related) I could spend my mad money on? (Please, no worthy suggestions like charity - we already give away $ and our mad money is meant to be spent indulgently!)

Horror Stories of High School Abstinence Classes

My only source for this is a group of teens who attend Leesville High School. I would love to believe that these stories aren't true, or are exaggerated, or even that all of them have conspired to deceive me, but I think it's most likely that these stories are at least partially true.
We taught our high school group about sex this fall. We taught them the Biblical view that sex is good, it is spiritual, it is designed for procreation and pleasure and intended for marriage. But we were also real with them. We taught them about birth control. We taught them about how to think through the consequences of premarital sex. We tried to teach them that their sexuality is valuable - a priceless part of themselves that can only be shared so many times before it becomes less special. And we had a no-holds-barred Q&A period when we discussed many issues about sex.
In response, they told us what they are learning in high school. They report that their health teacher takes a goldfish out of a bowl and lets it die, demonstrating what premarital sex is. Today one of them said the health teacher brought in cookies and said the cookies were cheap prostitutes. Then they performed a skit in which one student tried to convince another student to eat the cookie, while another student tried to dissuade him from eating it. They tell us that they are so grateful that we have given them more information about sex. That we have talked about sex as more than just some bad thing that must be avoided at all costs.

I wonder how many goldfish have to die before our kids are taught the truth about sex.