I Want to Believe

I just read an excellent article, available here, which discusses the importance of magic, fairy tale, and myth to faith. We need fairy tales and myths to teach us how to have faith in God. The world is not explainable through rational means - we've been trying that for over 200 years, and we've failed. It fails our faith as well. Reducing our faith to logical sayings, archeological evidence, and Biblical harmonizations does violence to our ability to appreciate the mystery of God. The early church fathers and mothers knew this. Their best and most accepted definitions of mysteries like the Trinity and Atonement do little to actually EXPLAIN those doctrines. The best they can do is say what those mysteries are not.
I'm not rejecting the importance of the scientific method, or the value of logic. I am extolling the importance of fantasy, wonder, and mystery. We need more Fringe and less CSI. Not because of violence, because Fringe has plenty of violence. But because in Fringe (and earlier, in the X-Files), there is mystery and wonder and alternate explanations, miracles.
And so in 2009 I want to look at the Bible as a wondrous storybook of mystery, not a source of guidelines for life. I no longer want to know, or to reason out, or to prove. I want to believe.

Home Sweet Home

It was great fun visiting family, but it's good to be home. The cats were happy to see us, although Duchess is still acting a little feral. She gets that way. I'm mostly looking forward to being home for a whole week with Dale! We have a nice long to-do list to keep us busy, but we also plan to relax and enjoy our time off.

What am I asking of the universe?

Things are good right now. Not perfect, but of course, they never will be perfect! But very very good. And so I have the time to wonder, what am I asking for? Life is smooth, on-course. It's the opportune moment to sit back and think about what I'm asking for. Martha Beck talks about desire, and about asking "what then?" This is my "what then?"
And there's another piece too. I've been thinking about Mary: this is my time of year to think about Mary. If God offered me a divine Son, a child born of my virginity, what would it be? What would it look like? What area in my life is unexplored, but waiting to be filled with life?
I consider with fear and trembling, because I've learned that when you ask things of the universe, the universe becomes very personally focused: if I ask for relational reconciliation, for example, I will be forced to confront my unreconciled relationships. Just the way of things. But relational reconciliation is high on my life. Of course, so is writing 2 books and getting them published.
What are you asking of the universe? What barren area of your life is waiting to be filled with divine conception?

The coolest thing

I just discovered Pandora radio. And it is the coolest thing. I have it on my iPhone, but you can get it on your computer. You set up a username and then you pick out songs and artists you like. Each artist or song becomes a radio station. So I put in "Tori Amos." And then it starts playing Tori Amos songs. Nonstop. For free. :) And here's what really makes it cool - it also plays other songs that are similar to Tori Amos. If you like a song, you give it a "thumbs-up" so it learns your preferences. If you hate a song, you give it a "thumbs-down" and it skips the song and adjusts your preferences. So cool! I've already discovered a couple of songs I want to buy.

Looking inward

So I'm deeply disturbed today by news of something George W. Bush has done. It's something that I really disagree with, for many reasons. I'm not sure discussing the actual action here has merit. Because the fact of the matter is, I'm angry and upset and I just want to point fingers and screech.
But then I drop back and think about how often I implore people to look inward before they point fingers. So, I'm trying to do that. I'm angry at other people for not being willing to lay down their rights and stop judging others, so I need to stop judging others as well. Does this mean I check my political opinions at the door? Well, no. Does it mean I have no right to speak up? No.
I need to let go. I agreed with very little that President Bush did and so my current state is nothing new. There is a new political party in power soon. They are already discussing how to reverse this current action. My role is to love others and to pray for everyone. So I'm letting go. I'm releasing all my upset over this. I'm releasing my judgment and my anger. If nothing else, this action of President Bush's is initiating an important conversation that needs to happen. Both sides need to rationally discuss the implicit issues and move forward. I am happy to do so. I will attempt to do that with objectivity. Because I'm letting go of the emotions, for now.
It feels good to let go, even though I know I will probably need to let go a few more times today. :)

A peaceful rush

A few of the blogs I read regularly have been posting about resting. About taking time to breathe in this busy hectic season.
Me, on the other hand, I'm just gearing up! I suppose that my desire to NOT rest has something to do with the fact that I was sick for a month - enforced rest is a real drag. Plus school is wrapping up, and I am entering the Danger Zone for my productivity: when school's out, it's easy for me to just sit around and do nothing. Again, however, the month of doing nothing has really cured my desire for that. So I'm making a list and checking it twice and running around doing things constantly. And I LOVE it! Ah, health is such a wonderful thing...

Christmas Card Photos

Merry Christmas!

Open Hands

I had a funny experience today. I was offered a gift, something that I want very very much, and because the gift was perfect, no strings attached, exactly what I wanted, I created drama around it. My unconscious literally made up a problem with the gift. And then I went right along and agonized over it! I just couldn't receive with open hands. Ironic, especially in this season of gifting, but I think this is just one of those universal things. Our world is so quid pro quo, so bent on earning things, that we lack the ability to receive.
I'm just now beginning to see that this is one of the big problems of religion: we take a free gift and attach strings. I think God's biggest frustration with us isn't that we're evil, or weak, or hateful. God's biggest frustration is that we just won't take His love. We try to earn it. And we tell other people that they have to earn it. Instead of just opening up our hands and saying, "Yes, I will accept your blessings and your forgiveness and your love and the fresh start on my life and beauty and joy and peace and I will take all that I can get." Like me creating drama around a gift that I could simply receive with joy.

Turkey Stock

So yesterday I finally had a whole day at home. Which was great, because I've been waiting to make turkey stock ever since Thanksgiving. I used a recipe for chicken stock, figuring poultry is poultry. My first oops moment of the day came around 9:30 AM, when I realized that my pot was really too small for the full recipe. Fortunately, Dale and I froze the turkey carcass in 2 bags, so I cut the recipe in half and moved forward. This means we still have half our turkey carcass in the freezer. I had to boil the water, then skim the top every 15 minutes, for an hour. Then I skimmed every 30 minutes for 2 hours, while it simmered. The final stage was letting it simmer, uncovered, for 8 hours. It was really quite nice. I spent the day sitting in my breakfast room writing on my computer and monitoring my bubbling pot of goodness. When the simmering was done, I strained the mixture and put it in ice water to cool. Then it sat in the refrigerator all night. Today I was supposed to skim the fat off the top and then put it in containers. Well, funny thing, there was no fat! I guess turkeys are leaner than chickens... Then I dipped into it with a spoon to put it in the containers. That's when I noticed that the consistency was decidedly different from the consistency of canned stock. In fact, it jiggled and moved in a disturbingly reminiscent way. A way that reminded me of... Jell-O! So I spent 10 hours yesterday making turkey Jell-O. Yum. I bet it will be a great soup!

Christmas Cats

Pipsqueak shows off his Grinch face.

Duchess can't climb as high this year as she did last year. Unfortunately, that's not saying much.

Shadow likes the tree too, for eating...

Post-Thanksgiving Nap

Aren't they sweet? This picture was taken sometime after Thanksgiving, don't remember the day. This is why I believe Duchess and Pipsqueak are secretly friends.

Merry Christmas!

Instead of spamming this, I'll blog it! Post your response to as many or as few as you like in your comments...
1. Real tree or artificial?
We are artificial all the way!
2. Eggnog?
I didn't use to drink this, but Dale has converted me
3. Hardest person to buy for?
Dale's parents, by far. They have everything they want and never give us suggestions.
4. Easiest person to buy for?
Each other, cause we just do 1 big gift that we agree on in advance.
5. Nativity scene?
Oh yes. I'd like to collect several and put them out all over the house one day...
6. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Definitely mail
7. Christmas letter or just card?
We do some form of a letter each year. But it's mainly so we can stay on other people's letter lists. Because isn't making fun of Christmas letters the best part of the holiday?
8. Favorite Christmas movie?
How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Love, Actually. Oh, and the Abilene Family Christmas...
9. Favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night, the Messiah, and of course, Jingle Bells by Wing (David and Sallie, did you enjoy that one?)
10. Angel or star tree topper?
We have a really beautiful angel, courtesy Mom.
11. Open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas?
Depends on where we are, but mostly on Christmas these days.
12. Most annoying part of Christmas?
By far, the commercials urging people to buy ridiculous gifts... A close second would be hearing "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" on the radio approximately 1,052 times per week.
13. Best part of Christmas?
Sitting in a dim room, listening to beautiful Christmas music while looking at the brightly lit Christmas tree.

HOT DOG HOT TUB

We are finally making progress on the hot tub!!! After weeks of confusion and runaround and unreturned phone calls, we are on track for installation! I talked with the building inspector today, and after we make a few minor changes, we will be able to go ahead and have the hot tub put in place and connected, possibly next week!
Expect posts to become very few and far between, as Dale and I will be living in hot water as soon as possible...

Interior Darkness

Advent began today. We are celebrating the coming of light into darkness in this season.
I've been reflecting on my own darkness lately. I've noticed that the more time I spend with God, the more aware I am of my own depravity and sinfulness. Ironic, since the more time I spend with God, the more my external life gets "cleaned up." So people hear me say things like this and think I'm being too hard on myself. Probably at least 1 comment for this post will be along those lines. But people, let me tell you, I am the only person inside my head and it is UGLY in here!
Back to my point: that as we grow in our faith, we gain more understanding of our depravity. I think that this is a common experience for many of us. And I think it's an example of God's mercy. I think we only perceive our true sinfulness to the extent that we perceive God's grace. So the more I experience God's grace, the more I see of my own evil. The grace is what enables the vision. Because if we saw ourselves, truly saw ourselves without God's grace, we would fall into utter despair. So God gives us some grace, and then we see a little more. Then God gives us more grace, and we see a little more. The grace is what lifts us up and allows us to keep going. We begin to be like the debtor in Luke 7, who loved much because he was forgiven much. This is why sin is not a painful subject - not a depressing topic. It's a joyous one! God brought light into the darkness of my soul! And the more I understand of God's forgiveness, the more I love God! Talk about win-win! It would be like being audited, and discovering that the last 7 years of taxes were wrong and you owed millions to the government, and the auditor then smiled and said, "How about we make what you owed for the last 7 years your refund this year?" And the millions owed became the millions received. This is the good news of Advent! This is why Christ came into the world!

centering prayer

I've been practicing centering prayer for a few years now. However, I've been practicing it with much more discipline lately. It occurs to me that my cats provide the perfect image for it.
My mind is like Duchess on the screened-in porch. Every fiber of her being is alert, eyes wide open, nose twitching, ears rotating to catch every sound, tail up, body quivering with readiness to run and pounce. And at every noise, every movement, every smell, she moves. She runs and rushes all over the place, totally focused but also switching focus every second.
When I enter centering prayer, I detach from my Duchess mind. I see it. I know it's doing its thing. But I just let it go. I try to access my Pipsqueak center. Pipsqueak sits in my lap. He doesn't much want petting. He doesn't move around every 5 seconds like Shadow. He just wants to sit in perfect stillness in a warm place. He is solid and heavy and completely relaxed.
I pretty much think everybody ought to be trying out centering prayer, that's how awesome it is.

Eye-Planks and Amplifiers

Today I got to see the plank in my eye and it wasn't fun. I started out happily enough, planning a few errands in my head. My first errand was to go to the Going Out Of Business Linen N Things and exchange a tablecloth. I didn't have my receipt, but the cloth I needed was the same price, so I went anyway, filled with foolish optimism. Of course, they denied me anything without my receipt, so I left the store grumbling under my breath and drove home again, determined to find the receipt, which was at the bottom of my trash can, naturally. Armed with the receipt, I drove back, still grumbling things and with a decidedly frowning face. When I arrived, the cashier was dealing with an irritated woman wanting to exchange some broken dishes. I waved my receipt at the cashier who told me to wait for the manager.
When the manager arrived, she had to deal with the other woman first. She did not have a receipt. She did not get her way. So she threw a fit, telling the manager to "have a nice day ripping customers off," and stormed out. When the manager said, "Have a nice day" to her back, she threw the F-bomb at her. Wow. I meekly walked up, pointed out my receipt, the identical prices, and walked out with the correct tablecloth.
And then the plank in my own eye started jostling around, causing many painful splinters. It was like someone had hooked an amplifier up to my inner thoughts and broadcast them to the whole store, via the first customer. Oh yeah, sure, I didn't say those words to her face, but I thought them. Jesus never made a distinction between what goes on in your head and what comes out of your mouth. Seeing that woman curse those store employees was seeing the true impact of my secret thoughts. Even if they stay secret, they are utterly destructive.
Isn't that the point of Jesus' plank and speck of dust story? We don't try to pull out the plank in order to point out the speck of dust. Instead, the speck of dust illuminates the plank in our own eye. Every time.

Movies that are Good for you

We have Kite Runner from Netflix sitting on our TV stand. It's been sitting there since Thursday. This weekend we watched: the new Bond movie, Iron Man, The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions, a Seinfeld episode, and 2 Season 3 X-Files episodes. And Dale watched some football. (A note to the few who don't know - I've been sick all weekend so our movie watching was unusually high). We did not watch Kite Runner.
See, I've read the book. I know what's in that movie. It's one of those movies that's good for you. Everyone knows they should watch it. It's like Hotel Rwanda or Crash - movies that contain incredibly painful content but also contain incredibly painful truths. So we rent these movies, because we know we ought to, but we hesitate to watch them. It's kind of like that volume of Shakespeare on the bookshelf, or the dusty piano in the corner - our cultural guilt. Right? We own Shakespeare, but we avidly check out all the Dexter books from the library and secretly read them with great pleasure. Intellectual junk food. :)
I'm pretty sure we'll watch Kite Runner. Probably. heehee, maybe we'll just want til Mom and Dad are here and make them watch it with us! Most depressing Thanksgiving movie ever!
What kinds of movies or books do you get just cause they're good for you?

clarification

It has come to my attention that Duchess looks angry in that photo. As if she's just been disciplined for bad behavior (a not uncommon occurrence). But in fact, that's not the case. When I took this photo, she was sitting in my lap receiving petting. And if you know Duchess, you know that she doesn't sit in laps unless she puts herself there. So she chose to sit in my lap and receive my pettings (and if she didn't want them, she would've bitten me). And she still made that face...

Jesus' bumper stickers

I spend a lot of time imagining what heaven is like. I imagine it's a place where sip-stealing is not just tolerated, it's encouraged. When you go to the "Golden Arches", your burger is always made to your exact specifications without you having to even ask. There's only 1 channel on the TV, but it's always playing what you want to watch....without commercial interruption.

So, I was wondering...when Jesus is scooting around the highways and byways of the great beyond in his Smart Car, what kind of bumper stickers does he have? (This is generally how I spend my time, I let Elaine ponder the heavy spiritual stuff.) Here's my guess:

1. Kucinich '08
2. My Dad can beat up your Dad
3. My Other Car is a Donkey
4. Real Men Love Me
5. Protestant since 1517

He may/may not have an NCSU sticker in his window. I mean, Jesus was all about suffering, and well....NCSU athletics is about as pathetic as you can get in the world of college sports.

Duchess or the Grinch?

Is it just me, or is there more than a passing resemblance here?

A new kind of Kosher: WARNING: description of animal cruelty

Pigs in large scale industrial operations have their tails docked. In more honest terms, their tails are cut down to tiny nubs when they are piglets. This is done to prevent infections caused when pigs bite each other's tails. Michael Pollan, the "The Omnivore's Dilemma," asserts that the tail biting is caused by an unnaturally early weaning: weaning after 10 days rather than 13 weeks (pg 218). According to Pollan, the problem is that a pig kept in a crowded indoor structure is too demoralized to fight back when another pig bites his tail. But if the tail is docked, the biting becomes so much more painful "that even the most demoralized pig will struggle to resist it." This is not the only view. According to this paper, http://www.depts.ttu.edu/liru_afs/pdf/CANNIBALISMINGROWINGPIGS.pdf, the reason pigs bite each other's tails is unknown. A study showed this behavior occurring in pigs that were kept in litter groups for 9 weeks. It is unspecified whether they were allowed to nurse for those 9 weeks. It is shown in the paper that tail docking did nothing to deter tail biting.
So how does this relate to kosher? Well, some people believe that God's kosher laws were designed to prevent cruelty to animals. The idea being that you can't just eat any animal, prepared any way. The laws demand that you respect the animals and butcher them humanely. Now, I'm sure there are many reasons for the kosher laws, but I find this one compelling personally. What if we created a new kind of kosher? A kosher that required that animals have the opportunity to be animals, for example: wandering through pastures, wagging their un-mutilated tails, pecking at the ground, etc. Thanks to the vegan movement, there are farms which are recreating this ideal. I'm not about to give up eating animal products, but I am going to continue researching animal treatment and try to eat animals which were treated humanely. It would be simpler to be vegan, sure, and to those who have the discipline for it, great. All I'm saying is that maybe we ought to give some consideration to the food we eat. This is one way we can bring God's restoration into the world.

God's Technology

Wait for a full update on the grass-fed beef tomorrow! It's in the oven cooking right now and it smells SO good.
So here's the thing. I'm reading this great book, The Omnivore's Dilemma. And the author, a journalist, describes a farm in Virginia which the farmer describes as "sustainable," specifically avoiding the word "organic," although it sounds pretty amazingly organic to me. On this farm, the farmer grows grass. He uses cattle, chicken, pigs, and turkeys to harvest the grass and convert it to meat. And as the journalist describes all the interactions between the animals, it's just mind-blowing. It's like a perfect picture of how God designs things. For example, the cows are kept in a barn during the winter. But instead of mucking out their manure, the farmer spreads it out and layers it. He adds a layer of woodchips and apples. Gradually, the whole mass composts, keeping the cows warm and fermenting the apples. In the spring, after the cows are moved back to pasture, the farmer brings in the pigs, who joyously snort through the compost to dig out the fermented apples. As they do so, they introduce air to the mix, greatly increasing the rate of compost. And once they are done, this nasty yucky mass of woodchips and manure has been transformed into fabulous soil to spread on the grass fields! No waste. No diseases. No pollution.
Humans, on the other hand, herd cattle into CAFO's (google it) where they stand on top of untreated manure and eat corn that damages their rumens. The rumen damage and close quarters require massive doses of antibiotics. The mass of uncomposted manure becomes pollution expelled into the environment.
God's engineering is so amazing. It just blows my mind. I think we all fall into this zero-sum mindset where every issue has two sides. We think that in order to gain something, we must lose something. We think that in order to clean the environment, we have to stop economic development, for example. But I think that loses sight of what God offered us in the Resurrection. I think God always offers us a win-win situation. I think there is WAY more hope than any of us, even me, realizes.

Cool Beef People

At the farmer market today I took the plunge and bought some beef. The stall was run by a sweet older couple. I asked for some chuck roast and the man delightedly took me back to a trailer containing 2 big freezers filled with frozen beef. He pulled out roast after roast, pointing out the beauties of each. It was awesome. He was so proud of each cut, like he were displaying gorgeous cut flowers or adorable puppies instead of chunks of raw meat. I ended up buying a lovely 7 bone chuck roast, so named because the single bone is shaped like a backwards 7. As I paid, I asked if the cattle were pastured their whole lives, and he proudly said yes. He then pointed out that they ate his very own grass in his own pasture. Then he threw in a pack of ground beef for me to try!! The whole experience was just great. I'm really looking forward to eating this. I've heard that grass-fed beef is very tasty, so this will be a great way to find out!

Advent Conspiracy, anyone?

Our church is participating in the Advent Conspiracy this year. Today we watched a video which revealed a couple of disturbing facts.
1. Americans spend $450 billion a year on Christmas gifts. That's $450,000,000,000.00
2. The world water crisis could be resolved (which means all people could have access to clean drinking water) with $10 billion. That's $10,000,000,000.00
Think about that for a minute.
If America gave away 2.2% of its Christmas gift money away, every person in the world would have clean drinking water. Every person.

Now, I haven't checked the first fact, so I can't verify it. But I have done research on clean drinking water, and I can tell you, $10 billion sounds about right. So, family members, are you interested in cutting back on gifts this year? NOT on gifts for the boys, because they are young and should get ridiculously awesome gifts. Just on gifts to each other. What do you think?

The Saga Continues...

Duchess is currently at the new vet getting a second urinalysis. It turns out that her last one, done this summer, had blood and crystals in it, but the vet just assumed that was due to contamination (I got the sample off the carpet), so didn't recommend any action. But the new vet, when she saw the urinalysis results, said the blood level was pretty high and wanted to do a second one. Sigh. I really hope there's nothing wrong. I've been through the whole mess with crystals. I can't deal with it again. I mean, the crystals were the whole reason I got a girl kitty!

We voted!

Dale and I have voted! Which means that now, when campaigns call, I can answer the phone and scream "I've already voted, stop calling me!" with a clear conscience!

Chapter

Got the chapter written!
Here's a picture of Pipsqueak. He loves these red fuzzy blankets!

Saving the world?

Dale and I will be trying some free-range, grass-fed, hormone & antibiotic free chicken this week. I'm hoping it tastes good. Because we bought it at the farmer's market, it was just a wee bit more expensive than Harris Teeter regular chicken. It was cheaper than the organic Harris Teeter chicken. I've been off chicken lately, so I hope this stuff tastes good. It's not really saving the world, but it is eating more healthily. And, you know, the chickens did get to wander about a pasture for their lives instead of being all cooped up on shelves.

The Book

I'm writing a book. Keeping readers of the blog informed of my progress will be part of my discipline. I'll be writing 1 chapter a week for the next 38 weeks. And no, I won't be sharing those chapters with anyone. I have good reason - they will be really bad first drafts, and Anne Lamott in "Bird by Bird" says you should never let anyone see your first drafts.
I will give Duchess, the amazing peeing cat, away to the first person who correctly guesses what my book is about (those who already know can't play).

OK, OK, Katie, you don't have to call the animal shelter, of course I won't really give Duchess away. Unless she pees on the floor again. No, just kidding. But seriously...

Sigh, one more try.

Duchess peed on the floor again last night. Some time after Dale cleaned the litter boxes. The same boxes he cleaned yesterday as well.
We've moved one of the litter boxes to the spot where she always pees, thinking perhaps this is a request for a box there. (I don't know why moving it 5 feet will make a difference, but whatever). Is it possible that she is just trying to slowly claim every single litter box as her own?
If this doesn't work, we may have to take drastic measures. Maybe we can put her in diapers or something...

Request for Advice!

Yes, this is an open request for advice!
On Friday, we steam cleaned the carpet in Dale's office. His office is where the litter-boxes live. When we finished, the room smelled fresh and clean and the carpet, well, it's still ugly, but it was all the same color again! On Saturday, we smelled cat urine in the corner where Duchess always pees. sigh.
Now, there was no reason for her to pee in the corner. There is a big toy, in that corner, which is hers and only hers - the other cats don't touch it. The litter-boxes were spotlessly clean and they are both of the type which she prefers (based on weeks of testing). Furthermore, there is a litter-box in a closet which she uses - a very private location. So there is no earthly reason for her to pee on the floor except that she hates us...

We are on a quest for a new vet. When I interview vets this week, I will be asking them for ideas about Duchess. I am also asking all of you. No idea is too far out. No suggestion too bizarre! Let me know your thoughts!

The Only Girl

It seems like whatever career I'm in, being a girl puts me in the minority. First I did computer helpdesk. There were other women in my group, but we were the minority for sure. Then I became a student in seminary. Now, so far, I haven't been too far in the minority. Generally, at Regent, the classes are fairly evenly split for gender. This was refreshing. But as I move more into the realm of pastoring, I move back into the minority. I go to a pastors meeting in Burlington, and there are always less than 10 women and more than 30 men there. Now, I'm in this really great class, and, aside from the teaching assistant, I am the only woman. There was another woman, but I think she's dropped out. Anyway, not a problem for me, but it does seem to be a problem for the guys sometime. This class has a meeting in January. It will be interesting to watch the dynamics. I predict that the younger men will avoid me, and the older men will talk with me. Seems to be the dynamic I'm noticing.

Singing High in Church

I'm attempting a Stuff Christians Like blog post. Tell me how you like it.
This post is all about singing high. This is an issue for a very small minority of women: sopranos who know they are sopranos who attend a church with a contemporary service. Now, I'm not knocking the contemporary service - I've chosen to attend one! But it's a little known fact that the lead singer, if a woman, always sings low. In fact, this is one of the attractions of the contemporary service: hymns get pretty high pitched, and without a little vocal training, a lot of women end up sounding, well, a bit screechy. Everyone's happier with the low voice. Except for the small few. You know who you are. None of you read my blog, but if you ever find this post you will feel secure that you aren't the only ones. There are some of us who are sopranos. We like to sing high. God gave us a bunch of high notes. And frankly, it's just a lot more comfortable to sing high. But singing high in a contemporary service, unless you attend a mega-church, just means that you sing noticeably. This is the opposite of "secret singing." Because when you sing high, your voice naturally pierces through and floats above all the other singing. Invariably, at least 1 person sitting within 3 rows of you will turn and look to find who is singing so dang high. If you are unlucky, like me, then the person sitting next to you will start to vibrate violently with suppressed laughter (you know who you are!!!!). So it's a dilemma. You're in the moment, loving the Lord, getting into the song, and as you raise volume, your voice gets a little scratchy. Are you gonna go high and sing as loud as possible, giving God all the glory She deserves and exulting in the moment? Or are you gonna sing low and reduce volume so you can still talk at the end of service? Because, see, if you sing high, you will get noticed. And then the focus on God is kind of lost. Clearly, the only good option is to become the worship leader and sing high into a mike...
(btw, this is all in good fun).

Lemons, or Why We Will Never Buy Another Honda

We got Dale's car back from the dealership yesterday. It only took 1.5 hours. And two days. Which really, in terms of past history, isn't so bad. But it just underscored the fact that we probably should've repainted Dale's car Lemon Yellow instead of red.
Let's talk about the history of Dale's car. In April 2004 he bought it. Brand new, right off the lot. It was a good investment, as he was about to start commuting 3 hours a day, from Alexandria to outer Baltimore. It did pretty well for the first year. We were pleased. And then, almost a year after he bought it, he got the oil changed at the dealership (all oil changes were always at the dealership) and drove down to Raleigh to visit friends. On the way back, Sunday morning, all hell broke loose with the car and it died, stranding Dale in the middle of nowhere on a Sunday morning. Not good. He finally managed to get it towed to a Honda dealership, but of course, no one there knew anything about hybrids. So they put Dale in a loaner car and sent him home. After a few days, he had to drive back to NC to reclaim his "fixed" car.
A short time later, after another oil change, we were driving home from an evening event and the car died again. Just died. We got it towed to the Honda dealership in Alexandria and Dale got another loaner car. After a week or two, they told us the car was fixed and we went to pick it up. As Dale drove it through the parking lot, the check engine light came back on. So he handed the keys back and got back into the loaner car. After almost a month, they assured us the car was fixed. They had flown in the Honda engineers from headquarters to work on the car. And, in fact, it was fixed. Two months later, a recall was issued. For this problem. We were Car Zero on their recall.
We moved to Raleigh. A month after the car warranty expired, the CD player stopped working. We ignored it. We dutifully continued our oil changes at the dealership, because no lube joint carries that weight of oil. After a while, the car developed a "judder." Whenever Dale accelerated from a stop, the whole car vibrated. We took it to the dealership. Where they told us that it was the starter clutch in the transmission. They also told us that they couldn't replace the clutch until they did 3 consecutive transmission flushes, at our expense. $200 later, we had a fix for the judder. It lasted 2 months. At that point, we threw up our hands. I confidently said there would be a recall. And this summer, there was.
So, this week we took the car in to get the starter clutch replaced, on Honda's dime. We also had the 60,000 mile maintenance done. We dropped off the car Wednesday. We picked it up Thursday morning. Thursday afternoon, as Dale drove home, the electric engine stopped working. Completely. The car was no longer hybrid. So back to the dealership! They charged us $100 to replug something, saying that the malfunction had nothing to do with their rebuild of the transmission. Just a happy coincidence. As we drove off Friday in the car, we heard a new, violent rattle in the hood. Dale went back and took the mechanic for a drive. He fixed it, saying it was just the dampening pads in the hood. Today the rattle is back.
I know we took a "risk" buying a hybrid car. I mean, gee, hybrid technology has only been around for over a decade in Japan. And for what, at least 3 years in America by the time we bought ours. So sure, part of the blame is ours for buying a "new" technology. But you know what? Part of the blame goes to Honda for making a terrible terrible car. And fool us once, shame on you, fool us twice, well, you know....

more flips

Well, I am procrastinating. Yes I am. But this is it. Just this 1 blog post, and then I promise I'll work on my paper!

But there is more flipping going on in my head. In this class I'm in, we're reading a book about taking the Bible seriously but not literally. And the author, in one section, casually dismisses the Virgin Birth as probably not historical. Which flipped me out. I was deeply upset. Because I need that story to be historical and factually true. And I came up with all kinds of great arguments - Dale was convinced by them and Ed looked somewhat impressed. But then, last night, reading the discussion board for this class, I got flipped. What I realized is this: if the Virgin birth is taken as factually true, then you either believe it or you don't. Either way, you shrug your shoulders, make a decision, and move on. But if you are reading the Bible looking for the truth in the metaphors, then you have to wrestle with the Virgin Birth. Whether or not you believe it is factual, you have to ask: why is this story here? Why is it important that Jesus be born from a virgin? What is the significance and Truth of this story? This is the flip: understanding that sometimes, you have to step back and stop reading the Bible as history and instead read it as a literary product. What is the Truth contained in this story, the Truth which is there regardless of my own opinion of whether it is factually true?

Flipping

It seems like walking with Christ is often times a matter of flipping our perspectives upside down or inside out. For example, I've been struggling with anger at my TA. She got way behind on grading, and basically I turned in 4 assignments before getting feedback. Now, she obviously failed at her obligation to turn around assignments in reasonable time. So I had a right to be upset. Her actions were detrimental to me. But, once I informed the teacher of the situation, my responsibility was over. Complaining about the situation wasn't helping. Stewing in anger at her wasn't very Christ-like. So I prayed about it. God gently suggested that I should pray for her. So I did. Then God, not quite as gently, suggested that I needed to love her. To actually reach out and love her. Begrudgingly, I agreed. The next day, I sat down, got really in touch with God's love for me and all other people, and wrote her a genuinely loving email. I complimented her on the feedback I had gotten and told her I was praying for her. All true. She has since graded all my assignments and given them to me.
So where was the flip? I didn't send the email as a way to manipulate her into doing what I wanted, even though I did get what I wanted. I didn't send the email to guilt trip her - she responded and thanked me, so I know she felt appreciated, not guilted. I sent the email because God flipped my perspective. I was in the right. She was in the wrong. But on the other hand, I am also in the wrong, quite a lot. And all of us sit in the middle of a world which is often wrong and diseased and broken. So I could sit in judgment or reach out in love. Flip.
It's like forgiveness. I only recently understood that whole "forgive me as I forgive others." Forgiveness is not for my own mental health, although it gives access to that. Forgiveness is not for the sake of the other person, although it lifts a burden from them. Forgiveness is seeing that we all are in the same boat. Sure, I may only be knee deep in mud, while another person is neck-deep, but we're all still wading in the mud. And so if God offers me forgiveness, how dare I withhold forgiveness from someone else? On the grounds that they're muddier than me? So what? God says, hey, you're ALL muddy! So we forgive because God forgave us first, and if God forgives then there's no valid reason not to forgive. Flip. (Oh, and of course I'm not advocating surrendering boundaries and inviting an abuser back into your life - forgiveness does not equal reconciliation).

random thoughts

New red patent leather clogs: SUPER AWESOME
Writing most of the day with no self-criticism: MIRACULOUS (and possibly related to above mentioned clogs)
The Bible is not an idol but we make it one
What's a good game to show inter-dependence?
Why do roaches keep coming inside?
Duchess is so adorable that if she weren't evil, she would be too precious to live
Can't wait to watch Fringe online tomorrow
Watching Xfiles season 2: CREEPY
Using oven from Grandmother's house: FUN
Maybe I belong in one of those "liberal" denominations after all...
I like to use RET, and I didn't even know it
TA's who take 18 days to give feedback while assignments are still being turned in and then give you poor grades and no chance to resubmit are really not that cool but I'm trying awfully hard to be Christ-like here...
Looks like tonight's gonna be a late night.

Call for submissions!

This is one of my favorite websites: http://icanhascheezburger.com/
I have this awesome picture of Pip that I think could go up on that website, but I need a funny caption. This is a call to all you comedians out there: submit a funny caption in your comment. The funniest caption will be submitted to the website with Pip's picture. I'll let you know if we get posted!

recharging the batteries

I had a meltdown last week. Too much stress. Very bad thing.
So, I absolved myself of at least 1 major responsibility, which relieved much immediate pressure. Then I started recharging. Friday morning I got all my homework completed by 10:00 am. Then I sat down and cross-stitched for 2 hours while ignoring the evil voice in my head screaming at me to BE PRODUCTIVE! Well, I almost ignored it. I did pay a few bills. Saturday was our women's retreat and I went and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I didn't allow myself to worry, stress, or control the event. Surprisingly, without my iron grasp of control over every little detail, the event still actually worked. Wow. It's like something else is actually controlling the world... Sunday I went to church, had a nice lunch with Dale, and then went to a concert with some friends. It was an Indigo Girls concert. It was AMAZING! We were on the main floor, up against the stage. I was 6 feet away from Amy and Emily. SIX FEET! I was able to see fillings in their mouths. It was just incredible. Imagine being 6 feet away from the singing duo you've adored for, oh, 14+ years! And for only $32! And in a smoke free venue! Sure, it was in Charlotte (sorry I didn't mention it, D&S, but we were in North Charlotte and came and went just for the concert), so we had about 6 hours of driving, but I used that time to nap. :)
All in all, I am beginning to feel human again. Like a real person. I can face my day of writing tomorrow, but only because I've recharged my very empty batteries.

Why vote?

I've already started hearing the resigned phrase, "Oh my vote doesn't matter, my state will be going _____ anyway." The idea being, I suppose, that if your state historically votes for the Barking Spider Party, then your Pyscho Kitty Party vote will be worthless and pointless. And I'm tired of this argument.
We do not vote because our individual vote will decide an election. And frankly, if an election did come down to 1 vote there would be numerous recounts and it would eventually come down to something like 200 to 20,000 votes. So, we don't vote because our 1 vote is going to elect a candidate. Even if we eliminated the Electoral College, 1 vote would still not decide an election.
So why do we vote? I read an intriguing article about this question a few years back. The author, Gene Weingarten, applied a principle of morality derived from Kant: the idea that an action is moral or immoral based on the impact if everyone did it. So, if everyone in America refused to vote, then the system would collapse. Therefore, not voting is immoral. If everyone in America did vote, then the system would work. Therefore, voting is moral. (The article was in the Washington Post magazine, sometime between 2004 and 2005).
In my own world, this is why we vote: We vote in order to validate the system of government we choose to live under. Our government is "by the people" and "for the people." Our vote says that yes, we are participating in government. Our vote says yes, despite the flaws of America, and even if my candidate doesn't win, I will participate in this system because I believe it is the best form of government out there.
I'm voting this year. Because my vote validates the entire system of US government. Because not voting is immoral. It's not about my vote determining the election: it's about my participation in the system, my voice in this government.

Momentum

I discovered something today: it's all about momentum. As long as I was moving forward today, bravely writing and working on my self-assigned tasks, the meanie didn't get a chance to talk. Whenever I paused or slowed down, or took a breather, the meanie was right there, whispering in my ear, fluttering in my gut. Now I know why I like being in perpetual motion - so busy I don't have time for a break - it keeps the inner demons at bay.

Our Barrel Runneth Over

So, Dale cleaned out the gutters yesterday in preparation for T.S. Hanna. And in the process, he discovered that one of our gutters was holding water, providing a breeding ground for greedy mosquitoes. (We knew it held water, but had not considered the implications for mosquitoes). So, rather than re-hang the gutter at a moment's notice, he drilled a hole in the middle of the gutter and placed a 55 gallon trash can underneath it. This was at 4:00 yesterday.
This morning we got up and checked the barrel. Here's a picture of it!
Notice the buckling at the bottom. The bubbles at the top are from the constant stream of water from the gutter. Wow!

Moses and me

I have the best support system ever! Just look at the comments from the previous post!
So I've decided to channel my creativity around this little mean voice by thinking about Moses. Moses was called by God and had a lot of excuses. God didn't really buy any of them. Which is good, because otherwise we might have been stuck with a great leader named something crazy like Mosiah. (Dale will get that Mormon joke).
Anyway, I'm creatively imagining myself in that story. And each day I'm going to give God one of my excellent excuses, all provided by the meanie. And I'll record God's answers. Once I've gotten through, I promise to write it up real pretty and post it here.
And I'm investigating the book recommendations made and looking at the Joy Diet, a good resource for this sort of thing.

Shut Up, Meanie

Today is my "writing day." Which is probably why this is the day that the winners of the short-story contest were announced. I am not among them, although there are at least 50 of them.
So, I promised that the next time my artist-killing voice spoke up, I would let my inner artist speak. After the predictable spate of hate-filled hopelessness, I told the meanie to shut up and let the artist say a few words. They were not what I expected. And, in fact, I doubt them and doubt whether I should pay attention to them. But at least I was able to get the meanie to shut up for a few moments. Baby steps, I suppose.

Little Pleasures

I think I'm adding this website, http://icanhascheezburger.com/, to my daily list of websites to check. It always makes me laugh.

"The Shack" revisited

Well, I was skeptical at first. I approached the text cautiously, one eyebrow raised, waiting to find the flaw, or disagree, or roll my eyes at some glib theological Christianese.
And instead I cried. I wept. I was deeply moved. I nodded my head in vigorous agreement. And now I am part of the slowly growing group of people at my church who are recommending this book in awed and hushed tones. Dale was inspired to read it just by watching me read it.
I wouldn't go so far as to say this radically changed my view on God. But of course, I already HAVE a radical view on God - this book just portrayed it for me.
It's not perfect - it's not a systematic theological treatise. But it is a beautiful picture of God, with some deep wisdom about relationships, power, independence, and submission.
This is the kind of writing I want to do one day.
Go read "The Shack." I promise you won't be disappointed.

The Gym

We have joined a gym. It's pretty exciting, this gym thing. We went yesterday just before closing time and I had my first experience with an elliptical machine - something the doctor has recommended for a while.
The elliptical was weird. It was like jogging in slow motion. I kept forgetting to relax my knees and so when the foot pads came up, my hips would twist as my stiff leg moved up. Bizarre. The best part, of course, is that after 5 minutes my LEFT knee started feeling weird. My RIGHT knee, the one I went to the doctor about last week, was feeling just great. But the LEFT knee is now complaining. I think it's jealous of all the attention Righty's been getting. Ahh, so complicated.
Anyway, I'm going back today. I'm going to learn how to do arm weights at the gym and do my 100 triceps extensions today. Cause I'm hardcore like that!

100 Triceps and "The Shack"

I did it! Today I met my goal of 100 reps of triceps extensions! If I can keep this up, then GOODBYE nasty upper arm flab!!!

In other news, Dale and I were discussing The Shack last night. This is a somewhat controversial Christian fiction book making the rounds. In it, God is portrayed as a black woman. I mentioned this to Dale and his comment was, "God is portrayed as a black woman on TV every day at 4:00." Love that man!

swollen knees

Something is wrong and not wrong with my knees. There is nothing wrong with them, yet periodically one knee or the other will swell up like a grapefruit for a few days. This is uncomfortable, but, surprisingly, not painful. My doctor is mystified. He has finally given up tentatively diagnosing ailments, and is now merely concerned with braces, leg strength, and things of that nature.
Sometimes I think God used silly putty when She made my ligaments...

Saving the World?

There has been a lot of discussion lately in my circle about saving the world. It's fair to say that many of us find our consciences roused about the many social injustices throughout our world. As we realize the extent of our own involvement - the amount of blood on our own hands - we are striving to figure out just how to improve things. How do we address the many issues that exist? How can I stay here in America and be a part of society without guilt?
First, I find it important to remember that I live under grace. I have been forgiven for my contribution to these problems, for my ignorant consumption of resources. Further, I will be forgiven for them. All of us require forgiveness for far more than we can possibly imagine, and God is generous.
Second, there is a certain amount of choosing that must go on. For example, Dale and I, although we are saddened by the mistreatment of animals in America, have not chosen to change our diets to a vegan diet. On the other hand, we are considering trying organic, pasture-fed, and humanely treated meat. I've found a local farm that raises their own free-range cows and sells the beef. There are pictures of the kids hugging the calves. Cool! Also, Dale and I for a while avoided products made in China. Gradually, as I become more educated about slavery in America and the rest of the world, I have modified my position. Sometimes we need to buy products made in China. Eventually, clothes wear out and need replacing. So now I'm more focused on finding fair-trade products to buy when possible.
Third, I'm posting websites and blogs which can enable us to live more at peace with the rest of the world. Hopefully I can find and share lots of resources which will enable me to be more responsible in my consumption.

Weekly Writing

I realized today that I need a day each week in which to write.
So, starting next week, every Tuesday will be dedicated to writing. I will not make appointments, run errands, do schoolwork, or read fiction on Tuesdays. Instead, I will write, and sit outside, and go to parks, and sit in coffee shops. I will also continue to cook dinner and meet with my covenant group. :) I've put it in my calendar until December. We'll see how it goes! I hope that this will give me the structure I need to focus on the writing instead of cramming it into the margins of my life.

Hummingbird nest

Dale found this under our cedar tree in the front yard. It's so cute and little! We haven't seen the baby humming bird, but it's probably almost full grown now, since the nest was abandoned.

Croissants

Yesterday, I started making croissants. This is a two day process. Today I baked 16 croissants, half the dough. WOW. They were so good, it made me want to speak French. Of course, I did use 4 sticks of butter. Is anything with 4 sticks of butter bad? Seriously, though, these were amazing. Tomorrow I plan to make some chocolate croissants with the rest of the dough. Yummmm.

Food experiments

So last night Kerry came over and we made vegan chocolate cake with avocado frosting.

I suppose that needs a little explanation...
So a while back, when Dale and I still had cable, we saw Alton Brown make avocado frosting, and it looked really cool. I was smitten with the idea and have been looking for an opportunity to make some ever since. No one has been terribly interested. :( Fortunately, Kerry is adventurous, and willing to try it, as long as we made it on a vegan cake. OK, no problem!

The vegan chocolate cake was superbly delicious. It was rich, moist, airy, and chocolatey. Every bit as good as my family's chocolate sheet cake. Seriously. For all you doubters: come to my house and I'll do a blind taste test and see if you can identify the vegan cake. You won't be able to. Who knew that cake could be so good without eggs or milk or butter?
The frosting, on the other hand, not so great. It was made up of avocado, lemon extract, lemon juice, and powdered sugar. It primarily tasted like powdered sugar in a spreadable form. The only hint of avocado is in the gorgeous bright green color. It's a striking color, and would be great used in tandem with other frostings as decoration. But overall, it needed something. Probably a nice big chunk of animal fat...

Meteor Shower

The wind from the sunroof and open windows ruffles my hair about in every direction. Music plays loudly, but not so loudly that we can't hear each other when we cheer about milestones: A sign to Jordan Lake! Crossing Route 55! The sign for Ebenezer Church Recreation Area! It is well past 1:00 am and no one is stressed or worried. And the whole time we drive, I stare out through the sunroof hole and see more and more stars appearing.
Later, the walk down a black road - all that's visible are is the black outline of trees against the starry sky, and a suspicious orange glow ahead. We grumble at the glow, accusing it of being a sulphur parking lot light, only to discover that it is the 3 quarters full moon, low in the sky and orange with reflected sunlight. We spread our blankets, open our vegan food and drinks, and commence to watching the moonset. Meteors the size of grains of dust streak across the sky, leaving glowing trails. They are in all quadrants, all corners. One streaks across the entire black dome, from one edge to the other, neatly bisecting the softly glowing Milky Way.
We talk, we laugh, we make bad jokes and good ones. We talk about diet (vegan, carnivore, cannibal), grave robbing, and other awesome times that we have watched the night sky sparkle with light from thousands of other suns. We fall silent at last, moved into perfect wonder as we enter the sacred space of a night sky relatively undiluted by light pollution. Our bodies cool off from our long walk from the car and we wrap ourselves in blankets.
When it is time to leave we are quieter, subdued and sleepy and happy. We ride back in contentment. I watch the stars dwindle away, their light dimmed by the lights of commercial civilization.
It was a good evening.

So cute

Duchess, resting between her acts of anarchy.

Pacifism and Suffering

We talked about just war and pacifism last night. And I realized that true pacifism requires a theology of suffering. (Pacifism being defined merely as the belief that, as a Christian, it is always wrong to use violence against another person).
We heard a fabulous story about a Greek Orthodox priest who voluntarily joined a group of Jews being rounded up for the concentration camps. The whole village joined them, and the Nazi's ended up not sending anyone to the camp from that village. But of course, it could've ended up with the priest dying in a gas chamber. Some priests did. He was willing to suffer - he knew that suffering is a part of following Christ.
Today I read a story about labor organizers in South Florida. They confronted a slave owner who beat one of his slaves (and yes, slaves are picking some of those Florida oranges). The owner didn't care b/c he expected them to file a Labor Dept. report. Instead, the group led a protest march to the owner's home, bringing the entire town with them. They were willing to stand up and say that if one slave suffered, they all suffered.
Me, a pacifist, encountering these 2 stories in the last 2 days is not a coincidence.
So here's the question. As a rich, safe, pampered American woman, how do I suffer with those who are suffering? How can I make my pacifism mean something - be an active participation in nonviolent resistance rather than a passive form of appeasement? How can I wage spiritual war?
Because remember, our war is not against the people and powers of this world, but against the powers of darkness. And our weapons are not the world's weapons, but spiritual weapons.
Whatever I do: to truly be a pacifist and defend those who are oppressed will demand my engagement with a powerful theology of suffering.

Ease

I am having a new experience. It is the experience of planning events without stress. Last spring, when Tammi and I planned the overnight Prayer Vigil, I loved the whole experience. I was calm, joyful, excited, and peaceful, even when we hit obstacles or bumps. It was by far the most enjoyable event I've ever planned or hosted.
And that's what the Film Series at Evergreen has been like this week. We hit obstacles, there were concerns, I have been attentive to details and slightly worried about things going awry. But tonight, the first night, was great. People came! And were interested! And talked! And I'm so excited about it.
Paul says that God planned good works for us "to walk in" before any of us were ever born. I think this ease is due to the fact that I've finally found that path. And I'm walking in what God had planned for me. Not that it's effortless or painless or no work, just that there is such ease and peace and joy.
Now that I've experienced, I've decided that my job MUST include this for the vast majority of my responsibilities.

Baby Tarantulas

This is a picture of Baby Duchess in her favorite place: Daddy's lap. Notice that she is sprawled out. We shared this picture with my grandmother. We thought she might enjoy looking at the cuteness and sweetness of Baby Duchess. We found out on a subsequent visit, however, that she had found it necessary to remove this picture from her wall. Apparently, Duchess' resemblance to a tarantula draped across Dale's lap unnerved her.
Ahhh, good times.

Our Delightful Cat

This is Duchess. Note her sweet, loving expression. This is her normal loving little face.
What's that you say? She looks irritated? Oh, well, maybe a little. We had just told her not to jump up onto the countertop...

Will Everyone Go to Heaven?

No, the author asserts, everyone will not go to heaven. She makes an age-appropriate case for exclusionary theology, and then she ends with this jaw-dropping statement:
"There are many people who will tell you that God is a loving Father, and that He would never be so mean as to keep out of heaven any of the people He has made. But the people who say such things have never read the Bible."
The first time I read this, I laughed out loud. I find this hilarious. I doubt that Jan Bonda, who wrote an entire book defending universalism based on his interpretation of Biblical texts, would appreciate being categorized as someone who's never read the Bible. I think it's interesting that she has chosen to deny an entire segment of Christianity which believes that universalism is, in fact, taught in the Bible. Finally, it's these kinds of oversimplifications which have caused the church to lose its intellectual authority. What will a child raised on this book do when they encounter a universalist who can defend his/her position by a rational exposition of Biblical texts? Wouldn't it be better to admit that people interpret the Bible differently, and teach that a person must learn how to read and interpret the Bible personally and in community in order to evaluate different Biblically based theologies?
OK, I know, too complex for kids. Then WHY BRING IT UP AT ALL? I mean, look at what she's saying. She's now brought up the whole question of whether God is mean for not letting everyone into heaven. But she doesn't really answer it.
Some topics just aren't appropriate for kids. And we screw them up by trying to teach them to kids. And then, people grow up to be adults and they refuse to consider any form of evangelism as valid, they have major God-Daddy issues, and they leave the church. And we wonder why.

Do Animals Like to be Pets?

As mentioned before, this is a very rich and satisfying chapter. First we have the weird dolphin-goldfish hybrids. Now we have turtle abuse. Here's the very next lines:
"It's fun to have turtles for pets too, isn't it? But don't shut your turtle in a dark box, and forget him most of the time."
Uhh, ok. This is a little creepy, right? I mean, do we have to suggest methods of animal abuse to young children? Maybe a turtle manual would be a good investment for someone with a pet turtle. Did the author do this? Did her child do this?
Later in the chapter we have this: "Puppies like to play with you; but even they do not like to be treated roughly. Never hurt your pets by slapping them or throwing stones at them."
Wow. I must confess, I have never considered throwing stones at my pets. Or slapping them. Now, occasionally I have lightly tossed a cat who was, say, pulling chicken off my plate. But that doesn't count - cats always land on their feet.

Sermon marathon

Well, I did it. I successfully preached 3 times and listened to 42 sermons this week. And I enjoyed it. I think that just proves that I should be in seminary. Who else would enjoy listening to 42 sermons?

Do Animals Like to be Pets?

ah, this chapter has a multitude of interesting lines. We start out the chapter with the warning that animals only like to be pets "if their owners know how to take care of them." The first example is the goldfish. Did you know that goldfish need air to breathe?
"If the water in your fish bowl isn't clean and fresh, your poor fish will have to keep poking their heads out of the water to catch a breath of fresh air."
That's a pretty exotic goldfish. Almost like a goldfish-dolphin hybrid. One wonders how fresh air correlates to clean water. If I wanted some fresh air, could I just stick my head into a bowl of clean water for the same effect?
We'll deal with some of the other jewels in other posts.

So, PETA doesn't have a "no-kill" policy...

PETA euthanizes animals.
Now, I am a reasonable person. If an animal shelter on a shoestring budget decides to euthanize an old 3-legged cat with Feline HIV, I would not judge them.
But this is PETA.
A national organization.
Opposed to seeing-eye dogs and medical research involving rats.
The kind of group that sponsors ads showing dead dogs being delivered to little girls who wanted to get puppies from breeders instead of shelters. Because, of course, buying a dog from a breeder kills a dog in a shelter.
That dog must've been in a PETA shelter...
http://www.petatv.com/tvpopup/video.asp?video=abc_buy_one_kill_one_psa&Player=flv

Litterbox Cafeteria

We finally took Duchess's urine to the vet for testing. This was easy to do, as recently she has been regularly laying out deposits of urine at locations around the litterbox. The good news is that she is not sick. The bad news is that she is rejecting our litterbox arrangements.
So, at the vet's recommendation, we have created a litterbox cafeteria. Or, as my mother suggests, a defecateria. We moved one of the original boxes into the bathroom, left the other original in the office, and added four new boxes. Four litterboxes (including 1 which is scented!) and four different types of litter. We've got your natural pine, your magical crystals, your wheat clumping litter, and your Arm and Hammer. So far, the Arm and Hammer has generated the least response. The cats don't even sniff it. The magical crystals, which look and feel just like rock salt, have given Duchess some amusement as she knocked them out of the pan. I can't blame her - I don't think it would be pleasant to walk on those.
We let Duchess thoroughly investigate the defecateria. After a thorough round of delicate sniffing, she elected to go into the dark bathroom and use the original box. The original box which she has rejected time and time again.

Is It Wrong to Pretend?

Ah, pretending. Children play pretend and know that they are doing it. Adults play pretend too, but we seem to have forgotten we're doing it. You know, the pretend game that a broken cookie has no calories, or the pretend game that the worthless boyfriend (or girlfriend) will change, or the pretend game that the government won't catch us on tax evasion.
Fortunately for everyone, this book is about when children pretend! There are several good quotes in here. Like "We all know ... that bears do not come out to eat little children who step on the cracks in the sidewalk; so it's fun to read about them." OK, first of all, I didn't know the "bears come out and eat children who step on cracks" game. But I really don't think it sounds like "fun." Then later she points out that if you pretend that your pretendings are true, that while "Mother doesn't know it's a lie, God knows." Good point, but wow, in today's world it sounds a little creepy - a little bit like God is Big Brother and Santa Claus rolled into one. And finally, there's the potent warning: "It is also wrong ... when you pretend so much that you are unhappy when you are just yourself." I think she's actually drifting a little bit into adult pretending here. Most kids are happy being themselves, regardless of pretending. It's when we adults pretend to be something we're not for years and years that we drift into this dangerous state.

How Do I Smell?

Every time I see the title to this chapter, all I can think is: "You smell pretty bad - maybe a shower would be good."

How Do I See?

OK, there's actually a good point in this chapter that must be acknowledged.
"There are many people who have good eyes but who never see all the beautiful things God has made."
Last week, Dale and I went for a hike with my parents in the Smokies. It was a beautiful day. The path was mostly paved, but we still saw a mother bear and her 3 cubs. The waterfall we went to was a fraction of its normal size (due to drought), but it was still refreshing and lovely. And while we were on this path, listening to birds sing and watching for bears and staring at amazing mountain vistas shielded by leafed out trees, we saw 2 teenage girls in a big group. They were stomping down the mountain, staring at their feet and listening to their iPods. I could hear their music, it was so loud.
Those poor girls were wasting their good eyes and good ears. They missed all the true beauty around them. I guess I need to buy them a copy of this book...

How do I Grow?

The next chapter in my favorite book, Can You Tell Me?
This chapter is really not terribly interesting. Although it does point out that when a child isn't sleeping, that child has to eat in order to stay alive. Good point, that one. The best line is the next sentence: "And you grow by eating."
At first I questioned this. We grow by eating? Don't we grow by our bodies building up to a certain point and then developing thanks to hormones, etc? I mean, I'm not getting any taller, nor are my arms getting longer (which is good, as I can already double-wrap them around people). But then I realized that yes, sadly, I am still growing! And in fact, I am growing because I'm eating! My stomach and thighs apparently have a whole lot of growing potential left in them.
So I have to hand it to Dena Korfkor - she speaks the truth. I think I need to go mix up some chocolate chip cookies and eat the raw dough for dinner. I want my thighs and stomach to reach their full potential, after all!

Where Was I Before I Was Born?

This chapter tries to answer the question of where we were before birth. It gives a very succinct answer: "You were nowhere." However, this is obviously too short an answer, so the author meanders on with it, moving on to the question of death. This was probably a mistake, but it sure is a great mistake, as it brings us to the Bayless All-Time-Favorite Quote in this book. She explains that all living things have a beginning, but not all living things have souls. She explains it this way:
"Only people have souls. When your little puppy dies, he will not go to heaven. The life that was in him will be gone. After you have buried him, you will never see him again."
What great words of comfort for a child grieving the loss of his puppy! Dale especially likes the fact that it's a "little puppy" that is dying, not an old, blind, half-lame dog that has lived a full life.
How does this idea fit in with the question of where were we before birth? Not sure!

A Year Early

Ever since I put together my approved degree plan in the spring of 2007, I've anticipated my graduation date to be May 2010. Well, it looks very much like I was reading one of the degree plans wrong. And actually, I'll be graduating May 2009.
To say I have mixed feelings about this would be wrong. I have one pure feeling about this: terror.
I feel completely inadequate. The thought of sending out resumes, seeking ordination, and selling myself as a qualified soul shepherd in less than 12 months is horrifying. I was really counting on 2010. That felt safe. It was nice and far off in the distance. Now I'm looking at 2009. It doesn't even sound as nice to say: "twenty-oh-nine" versus "twenty-ten."
I have a friend who is preparing to leave the country in less than a year and has to raise $11,000 or so before she does it. I have another friend who has quit school and is pursuing her dream of being a singer-songwriter. I have a friend who wants to bring fresh drinking water to the entire world. And to all of them, I say, ha! I'm way more afraid than you are!
I know this will pass. But wow, I had no idea I was so completely dependent on another 2 years of school!

Can You Tell Me?

Based on the recommendation of my friend Kerry, I will be doing a series of posts on this excellent book, published in 1950. Dale and I have thoroughly enjoyed this book, handed down to us by a family member, learning many things that we wished we had known when we were children.
The first section of the book is "Can You Tell Me About Myself?" and the first chapter within it is "Where Did I Come From?" In this chapter we learn the following:
"When God made the first man, Adam, He made him out of dust, and breathed life into him. When God made the first lady, Eve, He made her out of one of the bones - a rib - of Adam."
This is really enlightening. What I've learned from this is that men are dirt, and women should be skinny because they are made from a rib. Thank you, Dena Korfker!

(PS - If this seems a bit mean-spirited, just wait til you hear some of the really good quotes...)

Rejection

I got a rejection email this week. It didn't bother me. That's two rejections so far. I figure that, as a writer, I have several hundred rejections to go. And of course, this week I attended the funeral of a friends' nine year old daughter. So you could say I have a lot of perspective about little things like rejections.
There's also this little voice inside my head that's telling me to relax. Take my time. It's a stomach knot whenever I research literary magazines. I don't know yet if this voice is fear or my creativity: fear about putting myself out there or creativity wanting time to develop and grow.
I think it's creativity.

The Kiss Hello

My friend Kerry Smith has detailed the different types of hugs here. So I decided to discuss the kiss hello on this blog.
Now, I know most of my friends and family do not participate in the kiss hello, at least not with me. This could be because I am certifiably disabled in the execution of the kiss hello. I am the person who dodges or goes for the wrong cheek, leading to head bobs, random mouth kisses, and other exceedingly awkward moments. Please know that this blog is not an invitation for you all to inflict the kiss hello on me, unless you just want to have an awkward moment. And now, here are the types of hello kiss available.

The Air Cheek Kiss: In this move, the greeter moves in, presses her cheek against the other person's cheek, and kisses the air audibly. The maneuver is most commonly executed on both cheeks, but very rarely will only hit one cheek. The person receiving the kiss may make air-kissing noises as well, if they are quick enough.

The Cheek Kiss: In this move, the two people move together and the greeter kisses first 1 cheek, then the other. About half of the time, this move is only executed on one cheek. There is no rule as to which cheek is first, although among those who practice the Kiss Hello, there is some kind of psychic knowledge which allows the greetee to present the correct cheek. The person receiving the kiss may return the cheek kisses, but again, must time it perfectly.

The Mouth Kiss: Most commonly practiced by family members, it is occasionally shared between female friends and very good opposite gender friends (but with no sexual overtones). This is a closed lip kiss in the context of a hello. Men are much less likely than women to use this maneuver.

The Forehead Kiss: This is a move for ex-dating partners, people with a large gap in age, or opposite gender friends. This kiss says "I care about you in a protective way." Can also be used on people who would normally warrant a mouth kiss but are eating something or talking.

The Open-Mouth Kiss: This kiss generally only occurs between lovers. Although if a person is incompetent at the Kiss Hello, this can be the mangled result as the person receiving the greeting moves their head awkwardly to look at the person kissing them.

The Head-In-Hands-Cheek-Kiss: This kiss is practiced by those who are kind enough to recognize an incompetent Kiss Hello person, such as myself. In this move, the greeter takes the person's head in their hands and moves it from side to side, squarely planting a kiss on each cheek. This is a very rare form of the Kiss Hello, and is best practiced swiftly before the person receiving the greeting can struggle, resist, or cause a scene.

Another photo of Duchess

Isn't she sweet? This happens about 4 times a week. The rest of the time she is very busy stalking and attacking the other cats, her toys, random dust, the occasional insect, the bugs and birds outside, and her tail, as well as continuing patrolling the kitchen countertops for any accidentally left out food.

Duchess

Here's a couple of pictures of Duchess, our precious little hellcat. She looks very sweet in the picture, but don't let that fool you! She's 7.5 pounds of holy terror 80% of her waking hours! She is sweet just enough to keep her food coming consistently!

Bad Memories, Released

I'm on Facebook. And recently, I set my privacy settings so that people could search for me. And someone from my high school contacted me asking to be friends. It was a shock to me. See, when I signed up I entered my high school name and browsed the other people from my high school. It was a bunch of guys who I never much cared for. So I didn't contact any of them. But then, this week, one of them contacted me.
To say this guy made my life miserable would be an overstatement. To say he acted like a jerk to me and made my life very unpleasant would be true. To say that I found his friend request baffling and confusing would be an understatement.
I was not popular in high school. I was in the crowd of rejects, losers, and socially unacceptable people. I was in the group of people who got made fun of and humiliated. This guy was not in my crowd. He was in the crowd of people who mocked us.
So I agonized over what to do, as a couple of friends will confirm. Should I confirm or ignore the request? Should I send an email dragging up the past and asking why he even wants to be friends? Should I confirm, but then warn him not to be mean to me again?
I finally decided to confirm. It felt good to confirm, because it confirmed to me that I have forgiven him - that the past doesn't have a hold on me. Yeah, he was a jerk, but then, so was I, at times.

frittering away

I had a great weekend. I read two of my poems at our church's coffeehouse event. I got a lot of good feedback. One person said my poems were spectacular. That is still bringing a smile to my face.
But today I have frittered away my time. Not entirely. I made dinner this morning - assembled ingredients into a slow cooker, that is. I went to the chiropractor. And I went to Duke to practice organ. And on my way home my spirit told me it needed some time. It needs to reflect and think and consider and start constructing my summer schedule - start organizing my life around my priorities and goals. And so I read a book, and then checked email, and then surfed the net, and then balanced our budget, and then surfed the net some more. My spirit is not pleased. Neither am I. Darn that totally hilarious and addictive Stuff Christians Like blog!
So part of my summer schedule will include figuring out how to use my computer for writing and school and NOT Net-surfing. At least, not till the other is done. Will I turn off my internet router? Maybe.

Mr. Dyson was Right

Mr. Dyson was right. He's been predicting this all along. He even took out television ads to inform me and warn me before it was too late. But I was oblivious, happily ignoring his ads. Still, it cannot be denied. My vacuum cleaner has lost suction.
I was reminded, today, of a joke I read somewhere - it's not my joke but I can't remember the originator. About why is it that people pick up trash from the carpet while vacuuming, look at it, then put it back down and run the vacuum over it. Why not just throw it away while it's in your hand? Well, I felt like I might have to run my hands over my rugs today in order to clean up after the vacuum. No suction. Oh, and it's not that the bag is full - I checked that.
Obviously, we need a new vacuum cleaner, which raises a new set of questions. Because, realistically speaking, where are we going to get a vacuum cleaner not made in China?

Not on a Diet

I am not on a diet. That said, I am trying to focus on my health this summer, and I figure this is as good a time as any to cut out some of the extra sugar and fat in my life. So I'm working out each day, eating healthy food all day, eating yummy rich chocolate at dessert, and not eating within 2 hours of going to bed. During the day, I try to only eat good things - things like fruits, veggies, protein, and good carbs. This means that I am hungry most afternoons. It's funny what hunger will do to you. This afternoon, I was so hungry that I considered walking to the grocery store, buying chocolate chip cookie ingredients, then eating half a batch of raw dough. All pretty rational, right up to that last point! At a certain point, I can satisfy my hunger with a salad and some fruit. Or a hard boiled egg. But after a certain point, my appetite gains its own personality. I picture Cookie Monster, inside my gullet, hollering "I WANT COOKIES!" I find myself thinking of different ways to eat cookies without knowing it. My brain becomes a devious prankster looking for ways to get around my rational self. And of course, this is why I'm not on a diet. If I were on a diet, the first thing I would do is eat every single forbidden food. My covenant group was talking about food logs this week, and Erin suggested that a food log would make a person feel guilty and stop eating badly. Not so much for me. I just figure that eating 8 cookies a day is about 1 serving, and therefore quite reasonable.

Boston Photos

Yes, that's a statue of a donkey. We don't know why.


Dale and I at the Red Sox game. Which turned out to be a no-hitter.


Winding up for the historical final pitch.


Dale the proud graduate!

Boston Summary

So I kind of slacked off posting the last few days of our trip. It was too busy. :)
Wednesday we had a relaxed day of wrapping up our sightseeing. We saw a few things in more detail, and in the afternoon we ventured out to the Arnold Arboretum, where we narrowly missed being rained on!
Thursday we drove out to Amherst. We walked around UMass campus, and then spent the afternoon in the hot tub at the hotel! My parents and Dale's mom Shirley joined us for dinner that evening.
Friday was Dale's graduation! It was a good ceremony. Bill and Linda joined us there and all of us went to dinner at the Blue Heron, which was fabulously good! One thing for sure, Dale and I ate very well all week!
Saturday we visited Deerfield which was very interesting but also pretty tiring. Lots of walking and standing.
Sunday we came home!
All in all it was a wonderful vacation.

update

I've gotten a few responses regarding my post a few days ago about a depressed friend. So I want to post an update.
First: she is not in immediate danger. Fortunately, a mutual friend who lives within driving distance of her contacted me, and the two of us are working together to try and minister to her. She is still depressed but the suicide threat has receded.
Second, my post was born out of frustration with our attitudes towards mental health. It drives me nuts that a person having suicidal thoughts also thinks that drugs are bad or that talk therapy won't help, or that they don't need it. The stigma attached to mental health problems is stupid and ridiculous and it prevents people from seeking the help they need or taking their problems seriously. Also, I am frustrated by the church's attitude. I read on a pastor's blog recently a post which rejoiced that her denomination allowed her to refer people to professionals after only 3 meetings with them. Well, I know that some people need professional help. And I know that not all pastors are called to minister relationally - some are teachers, some are entrepreneuers, etc. But still, as someone called to pastor relationally, I think that the most important thing I can do with my pastoral time is to spend it with people. I don't have time to get into the discussion right now, but wouldn't a team of differently gifted pastors be the best bet? There should be a pastor or two, for every community, whose whole job is to sit with the wounded. At least, in my ideal world. But at my seminary, I have 2 required preaching classes and no required counseling. I think that's off.
I'll stop the rant now. I was hoping to clarify. I fear I complicated. But after all, I am on vacation. More to come later!

Boston, Day 3

Today we saw Harvard and the Fogg Museum at Harvard. It's a good thing, too, because the Fogg Museum is closing soon for five years for remodeling! After a huge lunch and dessert, we took the T back to our room for our siesta.
Refreshed, we went to Trinity Church and spent about an hour soaking in the beautiful murals and stained glass. Our next stop was to spend some time chatting in the Boston Public Library courtyard. Clearly, the Boston environment is affecting us because we came up with two brilliant million dollar ideas!
Dale's idea: The Steak & Potato Tini (copyright, 2008). This is a blend of potato-infused vodka and rendered beef fat. Frost the rim with butter and chives and garnish with a roast beef shaving. If roast beef is not available, use a stick of beef jerky. Yum!
Elaine's idea: The Bidet Zen Fountain Conversion Kit (copyright, 2008). Have a useless bidet in your home? Find the whole idea awkward, weird, or disgusting, but not sure how to get rid of it? Well, buy this brilliant conversion kit. A few simple steps and your bidet will become a Zen fountain of river stones and bubbling recycled water. Special lighting available in deluxe kit.