http://www.examiner.com/tv-in-national/it-gets-better-video
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
http://www.religiondispatches.org/archive/sexandgender/3479/why_anti-gay_bullying_is_a_theological_issue/
There's been a lot of talk lately about how bullying is negatively impacting LGBT youth - 4 suicides in the last month. I've read the blog posts and seen the videos, and I have a point of my own to make. What is the relational way to deal with this issue?
Hugh Hollowell, someone I respect deeply, ministers to homeless people through building relationships. When he is asked how to handle an encounter with a homeless person, his response is to do the most relational thing you can think of. Don't just buy a meal, eat the meal with that person, etc. And I think that might be what's missing in all the uproar about bullying. What is the relational way to deal with this?
Bullying is not just a LGBT issue. The two boys who shot up Columbine High School were victims of bullying. Bullying affects all our kids, and we can't just lean on the government or the pulpit or nonprofits to resolve the issue. We need to take relational action - personal action. Bullies are not kids who are living happy, well-adjusted lives. They are in pain as well. I'm not a mom, but I always thought that if I were, and my kid were being bullied, I would work to build a relationship with the bully's parents. I would try to take action to help the bully, as well as protecting my kid.
So yes, let's pray for change. Let's teach our kids how to stand up to bullies. Let's encourage acceptance and tolerance of people who are different in any and all ways (wearing glasses, being smart, being LGBT, wearing out of style clothes, liking classical music, etc.). But let's not just focus on institutional change as our salvation. We need to be part of the solution, in a deeply personal way. We need to build relationships - figure out why kids become bullies and try to mentor those kids.
I may be completely off base - mothers, feel free to correct me. But I think the issue of bullying must be addressed personally and relationally. No amount of laws, preaching, or non-profits (no matter how helpful they may be) will stop the problem if we as individuals do not take personal action in prayer and relationship.
4 comments:
So interesting that you have this post. I just learned that the daughter of a friend was just the victim of bullying. She was punched in the face by a girl, and is now sporting a black eye and missing a front tooth. This girl attacked my friend's daughter because a boy told her to do this. Both of these girls were victims of this bully.
Thank you for posting this... I see such bullying everyday in La Limonada. It's such an important issue.
~Your formerly bullied friend, Kerry
Excellent thoughts, Elaine. I think it would help if parents took back control of social networking sites and cell phones. First, see what your kids are saying and doing; second protect your kids from 24/7 hatred.
I like the relational idea. There is one problem: bullies often have parents who are bullies themselves or in denial about their kids. I have a personal experience with that one, and that mom is still in denial!
But your ideas are all good and worth trying.
I moved a lot growing up and so I was usually the new girl. Some schools seemed open and friendly to new kids and some seemed over run by bullies who hated new kids. I can remember missing almost a whole year of art class in 7th grade (my favorite class) because I was constantly bullied and called names by some of the kids in the class. I would fake a migraine and spend that class period in the nurses office. I tried to let the grown ups know what was happening, but it was the usual "kids will be kids" and you just have to deal with it. Luckily I didn't have to put up with it long, as we moved again at the end of the year. Bullying definitely needs to be taken more seriously. The victims need to know and trust that something will be done to stop it.
"The two boys who shot up Columbine High School were victims of bullying."
While I generally agree with your post, Elaine, this particular statement should be looked into more carefully. That Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were victims of bullying was a media trope that developed out of thin air following the Columbine Massacre. It has not stood the test of time. Actually, these two mass murderers were actually bullies themselves, not the victims prior to the massacre.
Read "Columbine: A true crime story" by Jeff Kass for more details. (Great and terrifying read)
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