It seems like walking with Christ is often times a matter of flipping our perspectives upside down or inside out. For example, I've been struggling with anger at my TA. She got way behind on grading, and basically I turned in 4 assignments before getting feedback. Now, she obviously failed at her obligation to turn around assignments in reasonable time. So I had a right to be upset. Her actions were detrimental to me. But, once I informed the teacher of the situation, my responsibility was over. Complaining about the situation wasn't helping. Stewing in anger at her wasn't very Christ-like. So I prayed about it. God gently suggested that I should pray for her. So I did. Then God, not quite as gently, suggested that I needed to love her. To actually reach out and love her. Begrudgingly, I agreed. The next day, I sat down, got really in touch with God's love for me and all other people, and wrote her a genuinely loving email. I complimented her on the feedback I had gotten and told her I was praying for her. All true. She has since graded all my assignments and given them to me.
So where was the flip? I didn't send the email as a way to manipulate her into doing what I wanted, even though I did get what I wanted. I didn't send the email to guilt trip her - she responded and thanked me, so I know she felt appreciated, not guilted. I sent the email because God flipped my perspective. I was in the right. She was in the wrong. But on the other hand, I am also in the wrong, quite a lot. And all of us sit in the middle of a world which is often wrong and diseased and broken. So I could sit in judgment or reach out in love. Flip.
It's like forgiveness. I only recently understood that whole "forgive me as I forgive others." Forgiveness is not for my own mental health, although it gives access to that. Forgiveness is not for the sake of the other person, although it lifts a burden from them. Forgiveness is seeing that we all are in the same boat. Sure, I may only be knee deep in mud, while another person is neck-deep, but we're all still wading in the mud. And so if God offers me forgiveness, how dare I withhold forgiveness from someone else? On the grounds that they're muddier than me? So what? God says, hey, you're ALL muddy! So we forgive because God forgave us first, and if God forgives then there's no valid reason not to forgive. Flip. (Oh, and of course I'm not advocating surrendering boundaries and inviting an abuser back into your life - forgiveness does not equal reconciliation).
1 comment:
Glad you added the last paragraph. We can truly forgive and continue to hold good strong boundaries. Somewhere people have equated forgiveness with forgetting. That's not valid, and the inability to forget makes many feel guilty.
God has given me the grace to forgive some fairly heinous things. But I'm wiser now about some people and would never trust them again, or invite them into my life.
A good way to judge your level of forgiveness is to evaluate how you would feel if something wonderful happened to that person. It's a pretty straightforward test that gives immediate results!
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