I'm on Facebook. And recently, I set my privacy settings so that people could search for me. And someone from my high school contacted me asking to be friends. It was a shock to me. See, when I signed up I entered my high school name and browsed the other people from my high school. It was a bunch of guys who I never much cared for. So I didn't contact any of them. But then, this week, one of them contacted me.
To say this guy made my life miserable would be an overstatement. To say he acted like a jerk to me and made my life very unpleasant would be true. To say that I found his friend request baffling and confusing would be an understatement.
I was not popular in high school. I was in the crowd of rejects, losers, and socially unacceptable people. I was in the group of people who got made fun of and humiliated. This guy was not in my crowd. He was in the crowd of people who mocked us.
So I agonized over what to do, as a couple of friends will confirm. Should I confirm or ignore the request? Should I send an email dragging up the past and asking why he even wants to be friends? Should I confirm, but then warn him not to be mean to me again?
I finally decided to confirm. It felt good to confirm, because it confirmed to me that I have forgiven him - that the past doesn't have a hold on me. Yeah, he was a jerk, but then, so was I, at times.
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6 comments:
Now I'm dying to know who it is!
Oh believe me, you wouldn't know his name. I mean, this was someone you NEVER would have seen at our house, under ANY circumstances. Besides, it would be impolite to release his name now. sorry...
Okay. If it's someone I didn't know, it doesn't matter. Besides, I would always want you to do what you think is right. That's more important than my curiosity!
My theory is the same as I used for my reunion... I didn't like you then, I don't feel the need to deal with you now. It's Facebook, don't let it rule your world, unless you are playing Bubble Words. It's really addicting.
Don't buy into the idea that there were in and out groups in high school. That just gives too much power to others. You WERE popular in high school--among your friends. Why care whether random other people valued you and your friends? They shouldn't have been mean or cruel to you, but when they were, that is all the more reason not to accept the premise that they are more "cool" or "popular" than you. I never accepted the cool/nerd dichotomy in high school. If others wanted to talk to me, fine. Otherwise, I had enough friends, thank you.
I was your friend in high school, and over the years, I've come to believe that high school was a good thing for me. I learned to love my friends, ignore those who were cruel to me (yeah, a tough lesson), and disregard those who disregarded me. The hardest part for me was acknowledging that while I was certainly not responsibile for the cruelty that kids show to one another, I was every bit as responsible for the disregarding that I did as those who disregarded me.
I'm proud of our little high school group. We made our way through those tough growing-up years while remaining true to ourselves. Peer pressure was certainly something that we had to deal with, but amongst our friends, oom-ooh-aaah was about as risque as we got. We were close and loyal and, quite frankly, almost as exclusive as some of the other cliques... We just didn't realize that we were being cruel, as well. I think that's part of growing up, learning how to deal with how others treat you and not allow it to dictate your own sense of self-worth.
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